


Life Is Hard, Love Isn't Easy

by TeegyBee



Series: What A Small World [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Drama, F/M, Falling In Love, M/M, Romance, Student Blaine, Suicide Attempt, Teacher Kurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-18
Updated: 2013-09-18
Packaged: 2017-12-26 22:26:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 23,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/970999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeegyBee/pseuds/TeegyBee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blaine Anderson's life is turned upside down in his senior year. Love isn't easy, and neither is dealing with a dark past. As Blaine faces the demons in his life, will Kurt be able to see what's happening to Blaine? What's in store for Blaine's final year of high school and the future of English teacher, Mr Kurt Hummel? </p><p>SERIES COMPLETE</p><p>WARNINGS: Suicide attempts and self-harm.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU that I originally started posting on ffnet, but now I'm posting the whole thing here. It's a multi-chapter and there will be a part two!
> 
> It's only short because it's the prologue, but other chapters will be longer!

Blaine Anderson was a good student. He always showed up to class on time, always brought the correct equipment, always did the work that was required and more. His grades were perfect, all straight A’s in all of his AP classes. He was smart, well behaved and had a polite attitude that all of the teachers of Dalton Academy swooned over. He was respected and everyone looked up to him, especially since he was the lead soloist of the academy’s glee club, the Warblers.

In all of his life, Blaine had always been the one to be responsible even if his friends were trying to convince him otherwise. Blaine had always done the right thing in his life, so when he did something – unintentionally – wrong, he had no idea what to do with himself.

Don’t get the wrong idea, Blaine didn’t cheat on a test, or back-chat the teacher, or skip school, he did something that he had no control over, something that took time to develop and something that he would not forget until he was finished high school. Or so he thought.

The beginning of his senior year is what triggered the start of Blaine’s change of behaviour, or thoughts, more so. He honestly did not mean for it to happen, it just did, but once he realised what was going on, there was no stopping it.

Blaine’s AP English class was his favourite. He had always loved English and had been aspiring to become a writer for most of his life. He always had a wild imagination when he was younger, which hadn’t changed as he got older.

So on his first day of senior year, Blaine was ecstatic to read that he had English first that morning, followed by literature. Blaine filled his bag with the books he would need for first and second before he closed the door of his dorm room and proceeded to make his way to English.

He was in a different classroom to the one he would normally be in, but that’s because he was now in the senior wing, so his classrooms and teachers had changed. Blaine was thankful that he would have a different teacher this year, last year the junior English teacher was old and boring. Even Blaine, who was very respectful, couldn’t stand her.

Blaine sat down in the front row of desks, picking the one in the centre. He was only small so if he sat further back there was no way he would be able to see the board. He pulled out his text books and the assigned reading book for that semester while he waited for his classmates and teacher to arrive.

Blaine groaned when his friends entered soon after, Nick and Jeff taking their seats either side of him as they always did when the three of them were in class together. Blaine had never understood why the two knuckleheads always chose to sit either side of him instead of beside each other because Blaine always spent the class refereeing their bickering. He just wished the two of them would get their act together and admit their feelings for each other, he was sick of them pestering him to pick a side.

Lost in thought about his two friends, Blaine didn’t notice that the teacher had walked in until the sound of a satchel being placed on the desk in front on him shocked him to attention. He looked up as the teacher was pulling his laptop out of his satchel and placed it on the desk, freezing when his eyes fell on the new teacher.

He was young, really young. He didn’t look much older than Blaine himself. If it weren’t for his dress style, Blaine would have sworn he was a student. Even though it was already quite a young look, it was professional. His brunette hair was perfectly coiffed, lightly tipped at the front. The plaid shirt that he wore hugged at his torso and arms, not leaving much to the imagination. Although he was quite petite, his arms, legs and torso were obviously muscled.

As the young teacher glanced up at the class, Blaine’s heart faltered when he caught sight of the brilliant ocean blue eyes that searched the room. The teacher opened his mouth to speak and Blaine had to shake his mind from clouding over.

“I’m Mr Hummel, but that sounds way too weird for me, so you can call me Kurt.”

Blaine Anderson was a good student. He wouldn’t intentionally do anything wrong, but when he did, there was no stopping it. There was no question that this was going to be a very, very long year for Blaine Anderson.


	2. Three Months Imaginative

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine Anderson's life is turned upside down in his senior year. Love isn't easy, and neither is dealing with a dark past. As Blaine faces the demons in his life, will Kurt be able to see what's happening to Blaine? What's in store for Blaine's final year of high school and the future of English teacher, Mr Kurt Hummel?
> 
> WARNINGS: Suicide attempts and self-harm.

Almost three months into his senior year, things were looking...well, Blaine had been right that the year was going to be long. He tried his hardest to focus on anything and everything that had absolutely nothing to do with his English and English literature teacher – yes, Blaine had Mr Hummel for both of his English classes. Most of the guys were ecstatic when they found out that Dalton would be hosting the English Literature class from Crawford Country Day as they were unable to run it on their curriculum.

All the girls constantly asked for help, most simply did just for an excuse to talk to Mr Hummel, much to the man’s amusement. However, Blaine stayed silent, not making eye contact. He refused to be drawn in by them, and he knew if he saw them head on, he would fall. There was no way he was letting that happen. It wasn’t made easy when Blaine discovered that Mr Hummel was one of those teachers who thrived for eye contact with those he spoke to.

Thankfully, he was very passionate about his work, so he was able to lose himself in the tasks set for the lesson without having to think of anything else. In the lessons he finished early, Blaine had Nick and Jeff to distract him most of them time, given that their banters still continued.

In the Warblers and with his friends, Blaine was the loud, energetic bundle of life. He and Jeff wreaked havoc most council sessions and were at the top of the ranks, competing for the most impromptu performances started. They mostly kept them to study hall, the senior commons and in their phys ed classes given that they were the times when most Warblers were present. Blaine only recently managed to level out the scores as he swamped the study hall the other day with piles of sheet music when he waltzed through the doors.

The game had always been either level or one point the difference. That was until Jeff decided to pull _‘You Can’t Stop The Beat’_ in their core English class. Blaine knew from that point that he had lost all hope of winning. There was no way he was starting an impromptu performance in English. No way. He had vowed to himself in his first lesson that he wouldn’t draw attention to himself, he wasn’t breaking that now.

His vow was broken quickly. He hadn’t intended it to happen, but after three months of successfully not speaking more than a _hello, thank-you,_ or _goodbye_ to Mr Hummel, Blaine found himself in a one-to-one conversation with him.

“Great work today guys, next lesson we’re going to start working on our identity and belonging assignments, so make sure you’ve thought of some ideas by then.”

The class picked up their books and bags before making their way out the door. It was times like these when the outside world should see the behaviour of private school boys as they were definitely the opposite of what most people thought. They were more like jungle animals at the end of a class, bouncing their way out of the room.

“Blaine, could I talk to you for a moment?” Blaine looked up to see Mr Hummel glancing up at him as he flipped through some sheets of paper.

He picked up his back and started to walk towards the front desk. He had gradually moved his way to the back of the room within his first week in the class, distancing himself as much as possible.

“Kurt, did I do this right?” A couple of the girls stayed back for the chance to talk to Mr Hummel alone, Blaine could tell that the attention both amused and annoyed him, he couldn’t help but smile at the look on his teacher’s face.

“Sorry girls, I’ll have to have a look next lesson.” Mr Hummel gave them a smile, earning a few tiny giggles from the three blondes. “I have a class to get ready for and I still have to talk with Blaine.”

“Oh, that’s completely fine, Kurt.” The shorter blonde – Tiffany, Blaine thinks – practically purrs as they each hand over their papers.

Blaine shoved his knuckles against his mouth to stop himself from laughing at the almost mortified expression on Mr Hummel’s face. “Okay, bye girls.”

“See you later, Kurt.”

Mr Hummel watched until the three girls were around the corner before turning to face Blaine. He took in the expression on Blaine’s face – crossed between highly amused and sympathetic – and slumped his face down onto his folded arms.

“Ugh, they are seriously driving me insane.”

Blaine chuckled lightly. “Yeah, they’re like that.”

“You too?”

“Er, yeah…I’ve refused a few numbers.” Blaine admitted awkwardly.

Kurt grinned knowingly. “Well, it’s only four classes a week, thankfully.”

Blaine hummed in agreement and waited for Kurt to continue with what he had originally planned to talk to him about. “So, Blaine. I wanted to talk to you about your most recent piece for identity and belonging, the imaginative one.”

“Oh.”

Looking down at his hands instead of at Mr Hummel, Blaine shifted a little. Yes, he knew that his piece would be read, he knew that, but he didn’t think that his teacher would talk to him about it.

“Hey, I’m not here to judge. I mostly wanted to praise you on writing such a wonderful piece. I was quite touched by your story.”

Blaine grinned lightly. “Thank-you, Mr Hummel.”

“Please, call me Kurt.”

Blaine didn’t respond to that, he more chose to ignore it.

“About the topic you chose to write about…just so you know, you’re not the only one who went through all of this, I’m here to help if you need it, or to listen.”

The dark haired student sat silence, still staring at his hands on the desk. Being shy wasn’t normally one of Blaine’s characteristics, but in the presence of Mr Hummel and on the topic of his writing piece, Blaine felt as if he was vulnerable.

“Do any of your friends know? They might be able to help, if you would rather speak to them instead of a teacher.”

Blaine didn’t want to be here. He didn’t like talking about this. He stood up from his chair as he shouldered his bag. “I-I’m sorry. I have to go. Thank-you, Mr Hummel.”

Kurt sighed when Blaine left the room. He thought, being at an all-boys school, he would have to help young and confused students. He didn’t, however, expect to find himself trying to help a boy that seemed so sure of himself in his writing, so confident in his group, yet so distant and closed off within Kurt’s classroom. This had been the most that Kurt had ever heard Blaine speak since he started here three months ago. This boy was closed off and had so many walls that Kurt had no idea how to approach the whole topic, but after reading Blaine’s piece, he wasn’t letting his student deal with everything alone. He would make sure of it.


	3. Building Silent Walls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine Anderson's life is turned upside down in his senior year. Love isn't easy, and neither is dealing with a dark past. As Blaine faces the demons in his life, will Kurt be able to see what's happening to Blaine? What's in store for Blaine's final year of high school and the future of English teacher, Mr Kurt Hummel?
> 
> WARNINGS: Suicide attempts and self-harm.

_‘I could feel the stares. Could see the eyes, cold with hatred of the unknown. I tried not to let them overpower me, but their intensity became too much. I began to slowly build the walls; my protection. It was a long and gruelling process – much like the real thing, building a whole wall – but the solid barrier had begun to rise from the grounds, shielding my mind from the prying eyes and ears of those who refused to understand. I built on my protection.’_

Another month into his senior year found Blaine struggling between closing himself off and opening up to his friends. He didn’t know what he thought anymore. His friends knew about him, knew who he was. They didn’t, however, know about his past. That was one thing he kept protected from the world around him. Protected from all. All except one.

Absolutely no one knew of his current personal life, which made his time between his friends difficult. The brave face he put on everyday became exhausting. He was slipping up and he knew it.

Mr Hummel tried to help Blaine, tried to help him understand that there was nothing to be ashamed of. He didn’t need to hide everything that made him who he is today. Blaine still remained closed off to his English teacher, however. He didn’t want the boy – _man_ , he kept reminding himself – to draw him any closer than need be.

Blaine had avoided any one-to-one conversations if it were possible, but that was made difficult when Mr Hummel would call his attention at the end of the class. Blaine almost always managed to find an excuse to leave; the Warblers, assignments, parents; but sometimes it was hard to escape.

In the early days of his senior year, Blaine had made sure to participate in class discussions. However, as time went on, Blaine closed himself off more and more. Of course, Kurt noticed and was worried for his student.

Although he didn’t know Blaine personally or outside of the English classroom, he had heard around the school that Blaine was somewhat of a legend, an idol, someone that the many students looked up to.

It seemed that the Blaine he had heard about didn’t exist in his classroom though, and that worried Kurt more than anything. Ever since he had spoken to Blaine about his writing piece, the boy began to close up even more than he had in the three months prior. Kurt knew that it wasn’t healthy for Blaine to push the world away, he didn’t want Blaine to end up in a worse off place than the student had been all those years ago.

Kurt was sorting out a stack of papers that needed to be marked when he heard a knock at the door. He glanced up to see Blaine hovering nervously, half hidden by the door frame. The obvious sheltering of himself shook Kurt to the core, knowing that this was only the beginning of what was to come.

“Blaine, how can I help you?”

He stepped out from behind the door frame and approached Mr Hummel’s desk cautiously as if he feared it would explode if he was too fast. Blaine didn’t say anything.

“Is everything okay, Blaine?”

Blaine reached into his bag and pulled out a stack of paper, silently handing it over to his teacher. Mr Hummel took the stapled sheets, giving Blaine an incredulous look. He hadn’t assigned anything to the class this week.

“Practise.”

Not looking Mr Hummel in the eyes as he spoke, Blaine clenched his hand around the strap of his bag.

“Oh, did you want me to mark it for you?” Mr Hummel offered. “It won’t go towards anything, but if it’s a practise, I can give you feedback.”

Blaine only nodded.

Other than his usual _‘thank-you, Mr Hummel’_ and the odd word here and there, Blaine never spoke in his teacher’s presence.

Blaine stepped away, moving to the door, this time proving Kurt wrong by simply giving a grateful nod. He disappeared around the corner before Kurt had the chance to say anything else.

......

Jeff and Blaine had been in the study hall for almost an hour where Jeff talked Blaine’s ear off about anything and everything. He quoted random facts from his geography book, asked about subjects that Blaine didn’t even take, complained about Nick’s attitude and rudeness over and over – which Blaine thought was more pining than actual hatred for the boy.

He had grown tired of Jeff’s ramblings – now only a long-obsession-about-Nick-Duval-and-how-Jeff-Sterling-cannot-stand-him. Total lie.

Blaine managed to tune the sound of Jeff’s voice out, letting his thoughts wonder. It wasn’t always the best idea for Blaine, but it was better than listening to his co-warbler talk – more like frantically talking Blaine’s ear off – about Nick’s habit of running into him when he had coffee in his hand, or the amount of times the idiot walks out of their shared bathroom wearing nothing but his boxers ( _‘Seriously, doesn’t he have any sense of respect for others.’ Jeff had exclaimed._ )

So Blaine turned his thoughts to this morning. It had taken him a couple of days to convince himself to hand over his paper to Mr Hummel, and he had almost bailed the second he knocked on the classroom door.

It had been clear that Mr Hummel was confused as to why Blaine handed in a paper that they hadn’t been assigned, even if he had told his teacher that it was a practise. Which is exactly what it was. Well, that’s what Blaine had convinced himself. It was just a practise. That’s all it was.

It wasn’t something that he let his friends see. He knew them too well, and they were too close to him. Blaine didn’t know Mr Hummel. He knew nothing about his teacher and for some reason Blaine felt he could trust him.

Blaine had become almost completely silent around Mr Hummel, even to the point where he simply nodded instead of voicing a thank-you. Blaine knew that Mr Hummel wanted to talk to him, to help him, but he couldn’t do it.

He had never been good at voicing his thoughts, always keeping a journal instead. It was his way of communicating what he was feeling, what he was thinking. It was never for anyone else’s eyes, or it wasn’t intended to be until Blaine let his teacher in.

Blaine knew what was happening to him, but he couldn’t control it, couldn’t stop it. He didn’t know how to reach out to anyone other than through his writing, so he gave his pieces to Mr Hummel in the hopes that he would understand and could help.

“Blaine?”

No answer.

“Blaine!”

Still silence.

“BLAINE!”

Jeff shouted into his friend’s ear, jolting the dark haired boy from his silence. Blaine turned to face Jeff who gave him a curious look. “Dude, what’s up with you?”

“Oh, nothing…I’m fine.”

“Nothing always means something, what’s going on?”

One of the many great but annoying things about Jeff was his forwardness. If he wanted to know something, he just asked. He didn’t care what the topic was, he just asked in the hopes that the person on the other end would answer and not slap him.

“Seriously, I’m all good.” Blaine lied easily, adding his trademark grin for better effect. “I was actually just thinking of how I’m going to knock you off your podium.”

Jeff leant back in his seat, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Oh really? How do you suppose you’re going to do that?”

Blaine didn’t answer. He just stared up at Jeff with a mischievous grin that went unnoticed. Both his hands moved to grip the two paper piles on the table.

_Oh yeah!_

The paper piles that Blaine was holding were thrown into the air as Blaine stood up, floating as if carried by the wind before they fell softly to the floor. Multiple bodies in the room turned to face the sudden chaos, some of them that were in the Warblers joining in with the backing vocals.

_So scared of breaking it_

_But you won’t let it bend_

Blaine weaved between the many tables, trailing after Jeff who was trying to escape the sudden onslaught. Once in a clear space, a couple of the Warblers joined in on some choreography, even including Jeff after some persuasion from Wes.

_I am in misery_

_There ain’t nobody who can comfort me_

Jeff danced his way out of the door, followed closely by the other Warblers and the many students who were spectating. Blaine jumped between the growing crowd, singing off lines into the ears of random onlookers.

No one cared if their personal space was invaded, they were just as happy to sing along if they knew the words, or enjoy the performance.

_Girl you really got me bad_

_You really got me bad_

_I’m gonna get you back_

_Gonna get you back_

Blaine was engulfed by a swarm of laughing and smiling boys, including Jeff who was not one to take offence to a defeat. Blaine laughed along with his friends and fellow Warblers, all his earlier thoughts pushed deep to the back of his mind.

Jeff began a friendly banter with Blaine when the latter brought up the ‘leader board’ and how it seemed to be altered. The two boys joked around until the small banter morphed into physical attack.

Blaine had tried to trip Jeff on his way past, earning the attack of tickles. Jeff launched forward and latched his hands onto Blaine’s waist, digging his fingers in enough to cause Blaine to yelp without hurting him.

Before Jeff could get a good grip on him, Blaine ran from the corridor, not making it very far when Jeff grabbed hold of him again. This time instead of tickling him, Jeff simply wrapped his arms around Blaine’s waist and picked him up off the ground. Blaine flailed his arms and legs, yelling for mercy as Jeff spun him around.

They both dissolved into laughter after a minute and Jeff was losing his grip on Blaine, who was trying to fight back now instead of flailing like an idiot.

“Ahem.”

The clearing of a throat ceased the boys’ antics and they both turned to find themselves facing Mr Hummel. Jeff didn’t let go of Blaine straight away and seemed to have forgotten that he was still holding his friend.

“Jeff, please let go of Blaine.”

As if shocked by electricity, Blaine pushed himself away from Jeff, keeping his head down. “Er, sorry Kurt, we were just…er, we were…”

“Boys, it’s fine…just please don’t break anything.” Mr Hummel said exasperatedly. “Oh and Jeff, Mr Rozz wants to see you as soon as you’re free.”

Jeff bid a quick goodbye and headed for the Arts department to find out what his teacher wanted, leaving Blaine alone with Mr Hummel. “Blaine, could I speak with you for a moment?”

Blaine fidgeted uncomfortably under the concerned gaze of his teacher. He knew that Mr Hummel must have read his ‘practise’ by now and knew that he wanted to talk about what he had written, but Blaine didn’t want to be pitied, he just wanted help.

It wasn’t until Mr Hummel stepped forward, giving Blaine a soft, “Hey, it’s okay,” that Blaine realised a tear had slipped from his eye. He swiped it away quickly, hoping that would prevent any more.

Mr Hummel appeared as if he was going to speak, but without giving the man a chance, Blaine spun on his heels and fled from the room, leaving a worry stricken teacher behind.

When Blaine flew into his dorm room he dove onto his bed, dissolving in a fit of body shudders and cries of frustration. He wanted help, he really did. He was just so frustrated that he couldn’t accept it, he couldn’t let anyone in.

His writing to Mr Hummel was a cry for help, that’s all he wanted. Why was it so hard for him to speak up?

Blaine buried his face into his pillow, willing himself to fall asleep so he could escape to his dreams and away from his reality.

He just wanted help.


	4. Deeper Than Thoughtful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine Anderson's life is turned upside down in his senior year. Love isn't easy, and neither is dealing with a dark past. As Blaine faces the demons in his life, will Kurt be able to see what's happening to Blaine? What's in store for Blaine's final year of high school and the future of English teacher, Mr Kurt Hummel?
> 
> WARNINGS: Suicide attempts and self-harm.

_"I wanted it to stop. The pain was exhausting. I couldn't handle it. The constant buzzing that just wouldn't stop, persistently pressing against my skull as if it was ready to burst from within. The pressure was too much for me to deal with. I needed to find a way to let it all go, to just forget and drain my emotions. I found my solution easily. Physical pain was easier to live with than the mental trauma. I had to hide it from everyone, no one could know what was happening. They wouldn't understand how much it helped me cope, they would try to help and I would be back where I was; battling with my mind's demons, waiting for myself to shatter. I cannot go back to that."_

* * *

Kurt was worried, more than worried.

Two months of persistence had not paid off in the slightest. He had tried many times to talk to Blaine, but the boy closed up more every time. There wasn't anything that Kurt could do to help him by approaching Blaine on the topic, it only pushed his student further away. The faculty didn't help matters either. Kurt was in the principal's office at least every second day trying to figure out a way that might help Blaine, but it was no use. It seemed that Blaine was a completely different person in his other classes and everyone presumed that Kurt was being paranoid because of his own past experiences.

Kurt knew he was right to be worried. That much was confirmed when he found another piece of writing left on his desk, much like the other ones that he had found every week for the past two months. They each progressed slowly, but they were getting darker as time went on, Kurt could feel depression seeping through the words. He knew that he had to do everything possible to help his student.

It was the last class of the day when Jeff approached Kurt. He too was getting incredibly worried about his friend. Blaine was no longer participating in the impromptu performance battle. Jeff didn't either, but only because there didn't seem to be the same thrill as there used to be. What's the fun in continuing a war when your battle partner has already surrendered?

Blaine didn't audition for solos anymore, just kept to himself in the background. Over the past two months, Blaine's change in behaviour was now becoming really obvious to all his friends.

"Look, I know I sound paranoid, but I know what it's like for people like Blaine and I, we are treated differently. People just don't get that this isn't how we chose to live. I went through hell before I came to Dalton, so I could only guess that Blaine went through something similar."

Kurt nodded in understanding. "Jeff, you don't sound paranoid. You have every right to be worried about your friend. Maybe, if you told me the reasons you are worried, I might be able to help."

Jeff let out a sigh of relief and lent back in his chair he had pulled up in front of Kurt's desk. He had thought that no one would listen. No one usually did. Even though Dalton was a school that was accepting of everyone, it was still just as hard to have your voice heard unless you were being bullied by someone at the school. Jeff had a feeling that wasn't the case for Blaine.

"Well, he doesn't talk as much as he used to. He was always the one in the group that we couldn't shut up, but now he barely says a word, he just sits there with his laptop and writes. I know that's his way of dealing with everything; whether it's homework stress, Warbler pressure, whatever. I don't think he realises how much I actually pay attention to him."

Kurt thought over what Jeff said for a moment. Even he knew writing was Blaine's way of dealing with anything that he couldn't handle mentally, so it only made sense that his friends knew that too.

"What about in class?" Kurt asked, wondering why no one else was doing anything to help if Blaine was obviously not coping. "Other than English, that is."

Jeff hadn't thought about that before. "Well, he doesn't seem to be acting any differently in his other classes, but then he's never been as involved in them as he has been in English in the past. Up until this year, Blaine had always been really enthusiastic and included himself in all the class discussions. I never really thought too much about it, thinking that this year he needed to focus on his writing. He's always had weird ways of focussing on things, but how he's acting now isn't just his way of keeping himself from getting distracted."

Kurt nodded, indicating that he knew Jeff was right, Blaine wasn't simply trying to distract himself, there was something else going on and Blaine was suffering. "Does Blaine ever talk about his past? What his life was like before Dalton?"

"Everyone that's close to Blaine knows that he was bullied severely before he came to Dalton. He transferred about half way through the year, but applications aren't usually accepted at that time, so we all knew that there were special circumstances. I don't know that much of what happened, but I know he went through more than I did. He should have already graduated, but had to repeat a year."

Thinking over what Jeff had said, Kurt couldn't help but think that for Blaine to miss a whole year of school, he must have had a very rough time before Dalton. "He didn't talk to anyone about what happened?"

"Not to me, I didn't know him well until the end of sophomore year. He and his roommate were always really close, they still are. He's probably the closest person to Blaine that I know."

"Who is his roommate?"

Jeff let out a scoff, half way between a chuckled and a sound of distaste. "Sebastian Smythe."


	5. Not Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine Anderson's life is turned upside down in his senior year. Love isn't easy, and neither is dealing with a dark past. As Blaine faces the demons in his life, will Kurt be able to see what's happening to Blaine? What's in store for Blaine's final year of high school and the future of English teacher, Mr Kurt Hummel?
> 
> WARNINGS: Suicide attempts and self-harm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I already pre-warned in the summary, but this is where the TRIGGER WARNING starts! So if it's an ussue for you, PLEASE DO NOT read!!
> 
> Anyway, sorry in advance for the angst. I actually did not plan for all the angst.

_It shouldn't be like this. They're meant to love me, care for me. Why don't they? I know that they don't understand me, but I can't help who I am. They weren't meant to turn against me, that wasn't meant to happen. The others, I thought it was their hatred that I couldn't deal with, but this is unbearable. The pain and exhaustion I felt before does not compare to this. The disgust, it doesn't hurt, it rips me apart. Coping wasn't as easy as I thought it was before. It wasn't as simple as pulling the plug to drain my emotions. I needed more than that; more feeling, a deeper escape. It was hard at first. My new escape was more painful than what I was trying to free myself from, but I overcame it. Pushed through it. It helped, it gave me the release when I needed it. I was finally able to cope._

* * *

Blaine sat on his bed with his laptop on his legs as he wrote. Again.

He clicked away at the keys, the sound like therapy to his mind. He knew it was going to be harder to hand this piece over to Mr Hummel. It would take more convincing to finally give his teacher the piece, but he was determined.  _He is going to see it, I need him to see it_ ; he told himself as he clicked print.

Blaine watched as the printer sucked up the paper, spitting it back out with his words spread across the page. The more he watched his life fold out in front of him, the heavier he felt.

His mind strained against his thoughts, pushing them away.

He wouldn't go to that dark place, not now.

Not with Sebastian here.

Sebastian knew so much about Blaine, but then he knew so little. There were so many things that no one else knew, but if Sebastian was asked, he would know the answer. However, there were things that Mr Hummel knew better than Sebastian did.

Not even Sebastian knew just how important Blaine's writing was.

"What's that you've got there?"

Blaine flinched, not having noticed Sebastian's approach. He fumbled slightly with his papers, ensuring none of the words could be seen. "Just an assignment."

Sebastian scoffed. "Another one? You do realise we go to the same school and have the same classes, right?"

Blaine collected all the pages in his hands, reaching for his stapler, but a hand swiped out from behind him and clasped around the object.

"Fine, it's a story," he admitted, knowing full well that Sebastian wouldn't rest. "Now give it back, Seb."

Sebastian held the stapler above his head, daring Blaine to jump for it.

"What's it about?" He ignored Blaine's request.

Blaine attempted to jump for the stapler, keeping a tight hold of the paper in his hand while he did. "It's an idea, nothing really at the moment."

Sebastian chuckled, both at Blaine's failed jumping and his lame attempt of covering up what he was really writing about.

"Pfft, you expect me to believe that? You always know what you're writing about." He paused, rethinking what he had said. "Well, you used to. Talked my ears off on countless occasions. Why don't you do that anymore?"

Sebastian had been silently watching Blaine the last few months, noticing the small changes developing right in front of him. They were obvious changes if you compared Blaine from six months ago to now, but they happened gradually, so went unnoticed by many.

He couldn't deny that he was worried for his friend. After all, he knew Blaine when he first transferred to Dalton, he knew of the many things that had happened to the poor boy, he knew the consequences and he knew the signs. The signs that were seeping back into the curly-haired boy's life.

"Because, they're personal…now give me the stapler. Please." Sebastian noted the agitated tone in his friend's voice. It worried him that Blaine was this protective over a story, no matter how personal. Sebastian knew Blaine's history, he had a right to be worried.

He handed the stapler over to Blaine, letting the boy turn away from him to attach the pages together. It was then that Sebastian notices Blaine's posture. His body was tense and his arms were shaking. The shakes were tiny, so tiny that it appeared his arms were vibrating. There was a slight buckle in his legs and a visible layer of sweat along his neck. Small parts of his shirt were darkened, damp from the sweat.

Sebastian's mind kicked into gear. "Blaine, what's going on?"

"Nothing!"

"Blaine, talk to me. What's on your mind?" he stepped closer, but didn't touch Blaine.

The boy's hands trembled enough for him to lose grip on his story. It scattered to the floor, the poorly attached staple clinging beside it. A page fluttered to Sebastian's feet and when Blaine made no move to pick any up, he reached for it.

His eyes scanned the page. His heart race increased on each line. He felt a sting in his eyes creep on him the more he read. Words and phrases stuck out to him like white paint splattered on a blackboard.

_Trembled._

_Unbearable._

_Supposed to love me._

_I made it stop._

_The pressure was too much._

_Physical pain was easier to deal with._

His heart sunk.  _Blade_

"Blaine-"

He was instantly cut off. "Don't! I don't want your pity."

"You need to talk to someone, Blaine."

"I already am." Sebastian didn't need to know  _how_  exactly he was talking to someone; he didn't need to know that his writing was his way of getting help. He wouldn't understand his reasons. Hell, Blaine didn't even understand it himself.

Sebastian levelled him with a stern glance. "Are you really talking to someone?"

"Yes, so just leave it alone."

He held up his hands in surrender because he knew when not to push Blaine. "Okay, just as long as someone is helping you get better."

Blaine nodded in affirmation, collected the pile of scattered paper, picked up his bag and stalked out of the room.

Sebastian knew it was stupid to believe that Blaine  _was_  actually talking to someone, he knew from last time not to believe the boy when he said he was seeking help. He believed him to an extent, but finding help was something that Blaine had always struggled with.

He had to talk to someone about Blaine, even if meant going against his friend.

When Kurt arrived at his desk on Thursday morning, he had expected to find another one of Blaine's pieces left for him. However, this time, there was a student sitting in the chair. Not the one left there for students. No, his own chair.

"What do you want, Sebastian?"

Kurt kicked the boy out of his chair, forcing him to sit opposite. He noticed the boy's usual snark wasn't being voiced. There was no banter, no insults. Just a timid, ' _I need to talk to you, Kurt.'_

"Is everything okay?"

Sebastian replayed everything that he had encountered about Blaine from last night. The strange behaviour, the trembling, the stories. He told him everything. He hadn't planned on spilling every detail to Kurt, but the man needed to know everything. Sebastian knew Blaine wouldn't be seeking help.

Kurt voiced his own concerns back, informing Sebastian of Blaine's writing.

He didn't know much about Blaine's personal life now, but Sebastian knew everything from before the boy came to Dalton. He was recounting what he knew of Blaine's past when there was a noise at the door.

Both boys looked up, both their eyes widening in panic.

Blaine took off down the corridor, his feet echoing on the marble floors. Kurt shot out of his seat on instinct and sprinted after the student, Sebastian trailing behind him. They caught glimpses of Blaine around each corner, his tiny legs carrying him at a surprising speed. Kurt was slower, only by a small margin, but his legs were longer so he didn't fall behind.

Blaine was thankful that the corridors were relatively empty as his legs carried him through the school. He pushed faster than he ever had before, needing to make his escape more than ever.

He turned corner after corner until he reached the dorms, then sprinted to the top of the stairs, directly to his own room. He opened the door and let it bang violently against the small cupboard, not caring in the slightest about the dint that appeared.

He stumbled his way to the bathroom, feeling dizzier than he had the last time he couldn't control his mind. He held onto the edge on the sink, needing to balance himself before he fell.

The dizziness clouded his thought process. He usually knew exactly where to look, but he couldn't fight through the haze. One hand clutched the sink while the other opened the draws, searching for the right container.

He felt his hands clasp around the small piece of plastic as he pulled it out of the draw and flipped the top off. A small cling brought his attention to the floor where the small metal object had fallen.

Blaine let go of the sink and followed the blade, falling to his knees. The haze was stronger than before, blurring his vision and making it difficult for him to focus. His right hand landed on a cold metal and he clasped in between his fingers.

Not wasting any time, he pressed the sharp edge to his left wrist and pulled his other hand back. He felt the familiar sting, the instant relief.

It wasn't enough.

The haze was back.

He lined the blade up to his wrist again, parallel to the first line, this time pressing harder. It was better this time, the haze cleared for a moment when he focussed on the pain in his wrist, but it returned too soon.

His body convulsed with a sudden wave of angered sobs. He pushed past them and shakily pressed the blade back again. He knew it wasn't going to work. It wasn't enough.

He moved the blade higher.

Higher again.

Higher until he reached the crook of his elbow. His mind cleared the second the cold blade pierced his skin, a line of red appearing across the width of his arm.

"Blaine, stop!"


	6. Never Faulted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine Anderson's life is turned upside down in his senior year. Love isn't easy, and neither is dealing with a dark past. As Blaine faces the demons in his life, will Kurt be able to see what's happening to Blaine? What's in store for Blaine's final year of high school and the future of English teacher, Mr Kurt Hummel?
> 
> WARNINGS: Suicide attempts and self-harm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS

Blaine's head shot up to see Kurt and Sebastian at the door. Kurt took one look at the trembling boy on the tiled floor then turned to Sebastian. "Get help!"

Sebastian turned away, but not before Blaine saw his wide, tear-filled eyes, and rushed to get help.

Blaine scurried backwards as Kurt rushed to his side, clutching the blade in his hands so the man couldn't reach it. "No, don't!"

"Please Blaine," Kurt tried, reaching a hand out to lay it on the boys shoulder. "Please let me help you, Blaine."

He pulled away, as Kurt expected, and hugged himself tighter. Kurt could see the blood spilling from his elbow, the tightness of his own hold on his forearm creating the flow. He knew he needed to get Blaine to relax so he could properly secure the wound.

"Okay, I won't touch you, just please relax." Kurt requested gently. "You will feel better if you let me help you."

Blaine's eyes shone with fury. "No! You can't help! You don't understand!"

"I do understand, Blaine. I can help you, please let me."

Blaine let out a cynical laugh, the grip on his arm increasing. "You? How can you say you understand? You never understand anything! I tried to make you, but you never understood!"

His head fell between his knees that were bent in front of him. He let go of his arms, letting them dangle either side of his legs. Placing them at an angle he was sure Mr Hummel wouldn't be able to see, he slipped the blade from his hand and held it in his fingers.

"Blaine, you don't need to do this to yourself. If you talk to me, I can help you." Blaine pressed the blade to his wrist. "All you have to do is tell me what you're thinking."

The blade pierced Blaine's skin.

He didn't move anything but his fingers. He controlled his expression to ensure that Mr Hummel didn't suspect what he was doing. "I'm not talking to you."

Kurt flinched slightly at the venomous tone of Blaine's voice. After teaching someone for six months and only hearing quietly spoken words, it's a shock to hear such a tone escape from the same boy.

"But you already are, Blaine. You've been talking to me about this since your first assignment. You may not have spoken the words, but I heard them."

Blaine halted the movement of his fingers. In all this time of hoping that Mr Hummel would see his pain, would get the messages in his stories, not once did he think that his teacher would read between the lines.

"I know how hard this is, but-"

"No, you don't!" Blaine flinched as the blade cut into his wrist, the movement not missed by Kurt.

Kurt jumped up at the same time Blaine, the student turning his back to his teacher. Kurt didn't waste any time in reaching forward for the young boy and grasping both of his hands from behind. His arms were wrapped around Blaine, his own biceps pressing down against Blaine's while his hands held the boy's forearms. He held them in his own as tightly as he could, both keeping pressure on the wounds and stopping Blaine from being able to bring his fingers any closer to the already damaged skin of his arms.

"Blaine, you must relax. Take deep breaths if you need to. Everything is going to be okay, but you have to let me help you make this better."

"You can't! You don't understand, nobody does!" Blaine was struggling against Kurt and tugging his arms, attempting to throw him off.

Kurt had always been underestimated for his strength, but he was able to keep a hold on Blaine. "I  _do_  understand. I understand perfectly what it's like to be different, to be treated as if you're worthless, to be seen as wrong by the people around you. I've been through that, I went through that."

Blaine stilled his movements, but kept a tight hold of Kurt's arms. His body was poised in a defensive stance, ready to react if he needed to. "Wh-why?"

"Because I'm just like you, Blaine." Kurt admitted, knowing that the only way to fully gain Blaine's trust was to give him an insight to his own personal life. He knew that if he was on the same situation that Blaine was in, he wouldn't easily believe someone was trying to help. "If I let go of your hands, can I trust you to let go of the blade?"

Kurt loosened his grip on Blaine's arms and when Blaine made no move to do anything else, Kurt slid his hand to his student's, slipping the blade from his fingers. He was able to reach the sink from where he was, so he flicked it into the basin and watched it fall through slots in the drain.

Blaine's body trembled against Kurt's, who still had a slight hold of him. Kurt retracted his arms from Blaine's side and stepped back slightly. He slowly turned Blaine around, his hands on Blaine's shoulders, guiding his student who seemed unable to move.

"Talk to me, Blaine."

The trembles of Blaine's body increased, Kurt could see the fear in his eyes and the absolute terror written across his face. It broke Kurt's heart to see one of his students like this, no one deserved to go through anything like this.

Kurt insisted to Blaine that it was okay, that he could tell him what was happening. His heart broke further to see the tears that started to fall from Blaine's eyes, falling down his cheeks and over his quivering lips. He choked on a sob before he was able to get a word out.

"My…p-parents, they…" he gulped in a breath of air, not being able to help it. "They, h-ha-hate me, because of…wh-who I-"

"Blaine…" Kurt breathed, instantly closing the distance between the two of them and pulling the other into a tight embrace.

They sank to the floor as Blaine let himself go. His body shook with sobs, his eyes flooded with tears and his hands clung to Kurt like a lifeline. The blood from Blaine's arm drenched Kurt's shirt, but thoughts of his clothing never once crossed his mind.

He thought quickly, not wanting to leave Blaine's side, but needing to stop the wounds from bleeding. He ran to Blaine's room, pulling both of the boy's pillow cases off and returning to Blaine's side.

Kurt wrapped the first pillow case around the largest cut that was creating majority of the blood flow. He warned Blaine that it will hurt before he pulled it tight, fixing a knot to keep it in place.

The second one was applied around Blaine's wrist, even though they were small wounds, Kurt still wanted them covered.

Kurt placed one arm around Blaine's shoulders, then the other behind the boy's knees in preparation to pull him up. He hoisted himself and Blaine off the floor, holding his student as close to him as possible so he felt safe.

He was easily able to hold Blaine's weight, but he had a strong grip on Kurt that was like a vice. Kurt pushed through the pain he felt in his arm and his side that Blaine was holding and fled Blaine's room.

A rush of adrenaline from Blaine's sudden sobs made Kurt run faster, still keeping the boy in his arms. He glanced down at Blaine every few seconds, ensuring there were no signs of danger.

Kurt reached the bottom of the stairs that led to the dorm rooms when he noticed Blaine's eyes were closing, he was unable to keep them open.

"Blaine, stay with me!" Kurt yelled in the boy's ear. "Stay awake!"

Footsteps could be heard around the corner and were rapidly getting louder. Kurt matched their speed and was met with Sebastian and the principal at the corner.

Sebastian's face was full of terror and the tears welled quickly in his eyes. "No, Blaine…"

"There is an ambulance that just pulled into the school, we should meet them at the front doors."

The three of them rushed to the school's entrance, Sebastian's eyes never leaving Blaine and Kurt continuing to Blaine into staying awake. He was unable to keep his eyes open and Sebastian did what he could to get his best friend's attention, but Blaine was not responding.

Kurt knew that Blaine falling into unconsciousness like this wasn't a good sign for the boy, but he was still showing responsiveness.

Every time Kurt spoke, he felt Blaine's grip tighten.

It never faltered.


	7. Just A Whisper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine Anderson's life is turned upside down in his senior year. Love isn't easy, and neither is dealing with a dark past. As Blaine faces the demons in his life, will Kurt be able to see what's happening to Blaine? What's in store for Blaine's final year of high school and the future of English teacher, Mr Kurt Hummel?
> 
> WARNINGS: Suicide attempts and self-harm.

A constant beeping was all that broke the silence. The still air in the room felt suffocating and compressing. Numb. A dull ache. Both pressing down against his arms with occasional stabs of pain.

The hazy fog clouding Blaine's mind left him disorientated, confused as to where he was and what was happening. He had felt like this before, but without the pain. The numbness is familiar, and so is the ache, but the severity of the pain is new.

As his mind slowly began to clear, the pain increased and the silence started to disappear, forming into voices and distant echoes. The voices he heard, he couldn't make out who they belonged to, but he had a feeling that he didn't know them anyway.

He tried to force his eyes open, wanting to know where he was, but they felt like lead, weighing down on his lashes. He could feel the cold sheets under his fingers, the dryness of his mouth and the softness behind his head, and as his senses came back to him, he felt his eyelids lighten.

Slowly he forced them open, a blinding light spearing directing into them. A white room came into focus as he tilted his head to the side. His whereabouts became known the second his eyes landed on the machines beside him, wires and small tubes running from it and linking to him. It was then that he realised he had a mask covering his mouth and nose.

Glancing down, he found that there was a thin tube running from the machine to his hand, connected with a piece of white tape. Flashes crossed his vision. A sharp blade. Red. Lots of red. Mr Hummel's voice, begging him to stay awake. His heart beat began to speed up, thumping against his chest as the panic set in.

This was wrong. It was all wrong.

He wasn't meant to be in this room. He wasn't meant to be here. Or anywhere. He wasn't meant to  _be._  He tried to pry the mask and tubes off, but he couldn't move his arms. Much like his eyelids, they felt like lead. However, this time, it felt as if an outside force was pressing down against them.

In his disorientated panic, it took Blaine a few moments to realise that his arms were actually tied down. Flex-cuffs were wrapped around his forearm, sitting between two white gauzes.

Blaine struggled against the bindings with no such luck. All it did was cut into his already sensitive skin. He felt the pain this time, not the release like he did before. His legs weren't strapped down so he pulled them up, bending them at the knees. He sat up, careful not to move too fast.

He was overwhelmed with varying emotions. He was angry that he had woken up, sad that he was so lonely and frustrated because right now he had no control. He felt the familiar sting behind his eyes, warm droplets following soon after, splashing down his cheeks.

He pulled his knees closer and rested his head against them as his body shook lightly, voices and footsteps growing louder outside the room.

"What do you mean we can't see him?" Sebastian was speaking calmly, but Kurt could tell that he was using all the self-control he had to refrain from yelling.

The dark haired nurse gave them all a sympathetic look. "I'm really sorry, but I'm not authorised to let you in until his family gives permission."

Kurt was surprised that the poor girl didn't crumble under the glares that were being directed at her. Nick and Jeff had joined Sebastian and Kurt at the hospital. After they had caught wind of what had happened to Blaine, they had instantly fled from school, having Kurt call the principle so teachers know not to expect Blaine, Jeff or Nick.

"That's ridiculous, why can't we see him?" Sebastian complained. "We're the closest thing to a family that he has."

Kurt could tell that the nurse was genuinely sympathetic for Sebastian, who was almost to the point of an emotional breakdown. "Look, I don't agree with it either, but we are under strict instructions that you can only see him if you are family."

"Please, you have to let me see him." Sebastian's voice was broken, sad and so completely broken. "He's in here  _because_  of his parents. I'm his boyfriend, I'm all he has."

The three boys around Sebastian each held their breath, thinking that Sebastian could have just made it even harder to see Blaine. They relaxed as soon as the nurse gave Sebastian a warm smile. "Okay, follow me, I'll let you in."

The five of them all made their way through corridors, turning multiple times before the nurse stopped in front of a door.

"I'll let you in, but just you for now." She told Sebastian. "If he is up for more visitors, then the rest of you can come in, but try to keep things light and short, he won't be in a good way when he wakes up."

Just as she slotted her key into the door, the distinct sound of patient alarms went off and she immediately swung the door open. Ignoring her original instructions, Kurt, Nick and Jeff followed Sebastian into the room.

"Blaine?" Sebastian approached his best friend slowly, not wanting to startle him. He edged closer and closer until he was close enough to place a hand on Blaine's shoulder. He didn't flinch away, but his head shot up and Sebastian was met with wide, tear-filled eyes that could make anyone's heart break. When his eyes landed on Sebastian, Blaine immediately went to throw his hands around the taller boy, but he again found them tied down.

He began to panic again, this time more frantic than before. He pulled at his wrists, the flex-cuffs digging in but not giving way. "Hey, hey, Blaine." Sebastian leaned forward and cupped Blaine's cheeks, soothing him with a soft voice. "You're okay, just relax, everything is going to be okay."

Sebastian's calming was ineffective on Blaine, who continued to fight against his restraints. "Please, can you get these things off of him?"

The nurse looked reluctant and hesitated when Sebastian asked, but when he insisted that Blaine would be fine and he would restrain him if he needed to, she reached out to release the cuffs.

Blaine immediately pulled his arms back and wrapped them around Sebastian's middle while Sebastian held onto Blaine's head, resting it against his chest. He rubbed soothing circles onto Blaine's back as the boy clung to him.

Kurt watched on from the side, his heart breaking once again at the sight of the broken boy. Blaine's head turned, his eyes sorting out the rest of the bodies in the room. Shocking himself, and Kurt, Blaine's face lit up in a warm smile when his eye landed on his teacher.

If Kurt hadn't been looking, he wouldn't have heard it, but since he was looking directly at Blaine, there was no mistaking what was said.

"Thank-you, Kurt."


	8. Acting Skills

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine Anderson's life is turned upside down in his senior year. Love isn't easy, and neither is dealing with a dark past. As Blaine faces the demons in his life, will Kurt be able to see what's happening to Blaine? What's in store for Blaine's final year of high school and the future of English teacher, Mr Kurt Hummel?
> 
> WARNINGS: Suicide attempts and self-harm.

Kurt let Blaine's friends visit him the first couple of days that he was in the hospital, giving the boy some space as he was already exhausted enough. Sebastian, Nick and Jeff were a constant presence each day, each taking it in turns to keep Blaine company.

It wasn't until the third day that Kurt came in to check up on his student, and he was pleased to see that Blaine was in good spirits. When Kurt arrived, he was greeted with Sebastian, Nick and Jeff each laughing loudly to something that Blaine had said. The boy in the hospital bed was clutching his stomach in silent giggles, attempting to voice a simple greeting to Kurt, but failing.

"Looks like someone is having fun."

Kurt sat himself down and watched on as the four boys let their laughter die down. After a few moments, they were all able speak, each of them breathless. Blaine's smile was huge when he turned to face Kurt and his "Hey Kurt!" was more cheerful than anyone else's.

The four of them chatted for half an hour, Blaine catching Kurt up on all his doctor reports, Jeff and Nick retelling stories from the classroom and Sebastian filling in the gaps when needed. Kurt kept quiet through most of the discussion, wanting to leave some things for him to talk to Blaine about when no one else was around.

Half way through the retelling of when Thad hid Wes' gavel in the middle of the courtyard fountain, a nurse came in through the door. Kurt didn't miss the way everyone moved as she walked in; Nick and Jeff shuffled back from Blaine's bed a little, Sebastian moved in the opposite direction and made sure he was as close to the bed as he possible could be and Blaine found Sebastian's hand and laced their fingers together before relaxing against the taller boy.

The way the four of them shifted their positions was like a practised art and very strange. It didn't make much sense to Kurt. Even though Sebastian had said yesterday that he was Blaine's boyfriend, Kurt had presumed that was just an excuse to be able to see Blaine, he never thought that it was true.

Blaine's eyes flicked across to Kurt who was the only one who hadn't moved when the nurse had arrived. The curious look on the older man's face gave Blaine an uneasy feeling, one he didn't understand. It was as if he didn't want the expression to be curious, or happy, he wanted it to be…disappointed.

The realisation frightened Blaine, this was his teacher was thinking about. He quickly averted his eyes from Kurt and focussed on his hand that was clasped around Sebastian's.

After staring for a few moments, Blaine knew that this was what he wanted. He wanted this; being able to hold someone's hand, to lean on them and feel like you were needed by someone else. He wanted it all, he wanted romance, but the scary part was, he wanted it with Kurt.

"Blaine, babe. Are you okay?"

The sound of Sebastian's voice pulled Blaine from his riviere, and he looked up to see his best friend looking down at him in concern. "Yeah, I'm fine."

The nurse bustled around Blaine's bed, checking each of his vitals and the many different medical things that none of the boys understood. Once everything was checked and nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary, the nurse left the room.

Kurt watched again as each of the boys moved once the door closed. Nick and Jeff moved back closer to the bed as Blaine pulled his hand away from Sebastian's and sat back up straight.

"Ugh, this is getting to the point of ridiculous!" Sebastian complained, laying his arms and head on the edge of the bed, hiding his face in frustration.

Blaine scoffed, crossing his arms in annoyance. Kurt could see the small smile playing at his lips, so there was no need to be worried for the boy's emotions. "We passed ridiculous when you told the nurse that you're my  _boyfriend_."

"Well, how else were we supposed to get in here to see you?" Sebastian fired back with more amusement than annoyance. "They wouldn't let us in."

"You could have come up with something better than  _boyfriend_." Blaine insisted. "You could have said brother, or cousin… _anything_  but boyfriend."

As the two argued, Kurt followed the conversation and understood what was going on without anyone having to explain it. Nick and Jeff were sat hunched over, hiding themselves against each other's side so the two arguing wouldn't see their laughter.

Unfortunately, they were too obvious for Blaine and Sebastian. "This isn't funny, you two!" Sebastian glared at the laughing boys while Blaine pointed a levelled finger in their direction, trying to be threatening.

It wasn't working though. Their laughter only continued the more Sebastian and Blaine glared at them. It wasn't long before all five of them were laughing along with Nick and Jeff.

Once they had composed themselves, Kurt insisted that the three boys return to school as they couldn't afford to miss any more class time. They tried to put up a fight, but the glare that Kurt sent their way had them saying goodbye to Blaine, each promising to come back when they could.

Blaine watched them leave, his eyes trailing on them as the door clicked closed. Kurt watched him closely, waiting to see if the boy stayed smiling. Much to Kurt's surprise, Blaine turned back to him with a bright smile on his face.

"Thank-you." Blaine breathed. "I love them, but I'm exhausted."

Smiling in acknowledgement, Kurt studied Blaine. The boy appeared to be happy, in good spirits and if it had of been anyone else other than Kurt analysing him, they wouldn't be worried about the young boy's wellbeing.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Blaine chuckled, slightly nervous.

"I can see why you're so exhausted, those boys are hard to keep up with." Kurt began, intending to direct the conversation to more serious matters. "But, they're not why you're so exhausted, are they?"

Blaine looked stricken for a moment until he composed himself, curling his legs in front of him, appearing relaxed to an outsider. "Are you kidding? They are more exhausting than children, which is saying something because I have three insane little cousins. I swear the only difference is Jeff and Nick are hyped up without candy."

"I've seen them in Art, and I would probably agree." Kurt chuckled, then sighed. "Blaine, I know you want everyone to see you happy and I understand that you don't want people thinking that you're not okay, but you can't pretend like this."

Again, Blaine looked frightened upon hearing Kurt rip down his walls of protection. "I am happy. I'm fine."

"No, you're not. I can see through your act, Blaine." Kurt sighed. "I'm sorry, that sounded harsher than it should have."

Blaine looked down at his fingers which he was knotting together. He spoke so quietly that Kurt almost didn't hear it. "How?"

"Blaine, you have to trust me here. I've been through all of this. The circumstances may have been different, but I have still been through the same stuff, let me help you so you can get better."

Kurt saw the small shake of Blaine's head and heard the whispered "no" from his position across the room. Standing up, Kurt made his way to the seat that Sebastian had occupied earlier and sat down.

Kurt saw the change instantly, the one he knew that was coming – it was why he had sent the boys back to school, he wanted to give Blaine the chance to really find the closure he needed to heal properly.

The boy on the bed lost his smile; it disappeared from his lips and faded from his eyes, only to be replaced with pain. Blaine's posture stiffened, a sign of self-protection as he pulled his legs to meet his chin.

"Talk to me, Blaine." Kurt insisted. "Tell me what's going on up here." He tapped Blaine on the head gently, trying to lighten the mood a little and to ensure that Blaine would feel comfortable in his environment.

"I do want your help, but I don't want you to know."

Kurt sympathised for Blaine, knowing exactly what it was like to not want to tell people what he was thinking, but bursting for someone to help. "I'm taking a leap here, but I might know what you're thinking."

"When I went through this, I was scared. Which was understandable, I went through hell. I sad that I woke up because all the thoughts that passed through my mind before were back, which made me angry and ashamed for feeling that way. I wanted help, but I didn't want to talk to anyone about it."

Blaine was crying now, every word Kurt spoke was exactly how he felt. He was crying because his teacher understood him better than anyone else ever had, because he was ashamed and wanted everything to be over.

"Blaine, you need to talk about it all, you need to let it all out in the open. It's not healthy to bottle everything up. You don't have to talk to me about it if you really don't want to, but I can promise you that I will be able to help you more than a counsellor would be able to."

As the tears leaked from his eyes, Blaine slowly raised his head from his knees, looking up at the man in front of him. Just like earlier, Blaine was overwhelmed with the feeling of wanting Kurt, wanting to be with, to be loved by him. He shook the thoughts from his mind and focussed on the topic.

"It was too much, I couldn't handle it anymore." Blaine's voice was no more than a husky whisper, the presence of tears obvious from the sound.

"What was too much?"

"Everything. My parents. My brother. The nightmares."

"Tell me about them."


	9. Opening Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine Anderson's life is turned upside down in his senior year. Love isn't easy, and neither is dealing with a dark past. As Blaine faces the demons in his life, will Kurt be able to see what's happening to Blaine? What's in store for Blaine's final year of high school and the future of English teacher, Mr Kurt Hummel?
> 
> WARNINGS: Suicide attempts and self-harm.

Kurt spoke gently, wanting Blaine to feel safe and like he was the important one. He spoke in a way where Blaine had room to refuse, so the boy didn't feel like he was being bullied into giving answers.

"Th-they hate me and were cruel, he didn't want anything to do with me, that's why he stayed away. He didn't come back or call after I – unintentionally – came out."

Kurt's heart broke for the umpteenth time for the boy before him. "Unintentionally?"

Blaine's cheeks went red, a deep blush spreading across his face. He kept his head turned down, eyes focused on his hands that continued to twist together. Kurt knew he needed encouragement so he moved himself closer to the bed and placed his hand on Blaine's arm, a comfort appropriate for their teacher/student relationship.

Encouraged by the comfort, Blaine began retelling his story. "Er, well…I started questioning at fourteen, began to realise that I was different…wasn't into girls like the other guys were."

Kurt kept quiet from here, letting Blaine tell his whole story.

"I finally came to terms with it when Cooper – he's my brother – brought a mate home one day and I overheard him telling Coop that he was dating a guy. It gave me hope that I would be fine, that if Coop accepted his friend, then he would accept me. I was still scared, so I kept it to myself. Then Coop moved to LA, which was great. We talked all the time about me coming to visit on the holidays."

"But then my parents found out and everything changed. I was in a glee club at my old school and I became good friends with this guy who was also gay. We were never anything more, always just friends, but we only had each other and no experience. So we…um, we experimented. Together."

Kurt noticed Blaine's blush return and the sudden holt in the story. "Hey, it's okay. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that."

Blaine nodded, taking a breath and continuing on, retelling Kurt the day he accidently came out to his parents.

"We had never really done much, just a quick kiss occasionally. You wouldn't even consider it first base these days." He chuckled at him and his friend's own so-called 'experiments'. "We mostly talked about stuff. But then during the holidays before freshman year, things started to get a little serious. We weren't in love or anything like that, we were just comfortable, and we felt safe when we were together."

"I knew I would never be able to tell my parents, that much was clear, so we never went to my house. They didn't even know that we were friends, until they saw us together."

"We had this safe haven in the woods behind our houses – we lived on the same street only four houses between us. There was a clearing in the trees that felt like a room with an open wall. Three sides were thick with nature while one remained open. The whole area was like a giant pillow, the vines created a bouncy floor that we would lie on."

A sad expression crossed Blaine's features, opposed to the smile he had had on his lips a moment ago when retelling a moment of happiness. "That whole area was supposed to be logged in the last week of the holidays, so on the day before the trucks and bulldozers were meant to come, we spent the day there."

"It was perfect, the whole day, until my dad showed up…"

_As the sun shone through the gaps in the tree tops and the birds twittered happily from branch to branch, Blaine and Jake smiled sadly. They were going to miss this place, the feeling of home, of comfort. A place where they can be themselves. Where nothing else matters._

_This place had been their escape. The bright green colour of nature contrasted the dull suburban town that lied at the bottom of the hill. The rays of the sun lit the area, casting a pleasant glow over the two boys._

_They lay curled up together on the soft forest floor, Jake's arm wrapped securely around Blaine's waist. They were confortable like this, it was weird for them to be this close, they were all each other had._

_Their free hands were clasped together, each holding on to what they had and what they were about to lose for as long as they could. Blaine sighed as he thought of what was going to happen once they lost their haven, their one true escape._

_Jake voiced his concern for his friend, then ensuring that they will find a new hidden home just for them. They were quiet for a moment, until Blaine felt Jake begin to move beside him. He unclasped his hand from Blaine's and slowly moved it up his arm until finally resting on the side of Blaine's neck._

_Blaine watched Jake's hand move, slowly and gently up his arm. He turned to face his friend once he felt Jake's hand stop on his neck, fingers playing with the tight curls. Hazel eyes burned into brown, flicking between lips and pupils. Neither boy would be able to tell you who moved first, or if they moved at the same time, but the gap between them slowly got smaller._

_They both hesitated at the last moment, but soon felt the brush of their lips together. It was a familiar touch, but so different at the same time. They were used to quick presses with more pressure, this however, was delicate and soft. They moved their lips slowly against each other's, picking up speed and pressure with each moment._

_Blaine lifted himself up so he was slightly higher than Jake, and ran his hand along the other boy's stomach and chest. The world around them shifted a little. This was way more than they had ever done, but that wasn't on their mind right now._

_Pulling against Jake's shoulder, Blaine brings his friend up into a sitting position, their lips continuing to slide together. They held each other's necks as they kissed. Their first real, proper kiss._

_Lost in the moment, neither of them heard the sound of footsteps. They didn't register the distinct sound of twigs and leaves crunching under heavy feet. Not until it was too late._

_"What the HELL do you think you are doing?!"_

_Jumping apart at the sound of the shout, Blaine's heart feels as if it almost fails. There was no mistaking the anger in that voice and there was no mistaking that it was his father's._

_Blaine and Jake turn to face the voice, eyes landing on a very red-faced and horrified Mr Anderson. They all stare for what feels like forever, Mr Anderson's eyes boring into Blaine and Jake as if they are some sort of disgrace, while the two boys' tremble in fear._

_"Blaine. Go home. Now."_

_He didn't move. There was no point fighting him on this one. There was no explaining his way out of it. He and Jake were in this together. He clasped his best friend's hand in his own and stared his father down._

_Mr Anderson pointed an accusing finger at Jake. "You, get away from my son."_

_Everything from this point on is a blur to Blaine. He tells his father not to talk to his friends like that and his father loses it. His anger boils out of control and he grabs Jake by the colour, screaming in his face to leave his son alone._

_Blaine cries out in panic for his friend. He tries to push his father off Jake, but gets knocked to the ground instead. He freezes instantly, more than panicked now that he knows this other side to his father, the violent side._

_He pleads for Jake to leave, to go home and get away. He tells him that he'll be okay, that everything will be fine. Jake runs, reluctantly leaving Blaine behind._

Tears begin to leak from Blaine's eyes and Kurt can feel the sting behind his own. He wills himself to be stronger for the boy in pain before him. "I'd never seen my father so wild. I was so frightened about what he would do to Jake, I had to make him leave. I still miss him, so much. I meant it when I said we never had feelings for each other, it was never anything like that. I just really miss him right now."

"You're allowed to miss him, Blaine." Kurt ensures. "You were both so close, you have every right to feel this way, especially at a time like this."

Blaine is silent for a moment and Kurt wonders if he is tired from reliving his past. "We can leave it there for now, if you're tired."

"No. No, I want to get this all out. I need to." Blaine looks up at Kurt directly for the first time since he entered the room. "You're the only one that can help me, Kurt. I have to do this now."

Kurt gave Blaine an encouraging smile. "Okay. Well, when you're ready."

Blaine let out a huge breath. "Here goes."


	10. Underneath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine Anderson's life is turned upside down in his senior year. Love isn't easy, and neither is dealing with a dark past. As Blaine faces the demons in his life, will Kurt be able to see what's happening to Blaine? What's in store for Blaine's final year of high school and the future of English teacher, Mr Kurt Hummel?
> 
> WARNINGS: Suicide attempts and self-harm.

"I'm s-sorry…it's just h-hard." Blaine had almost composed himself enough to continue telling his story, but the pain he felt was too much. It was consuming his mind like so many times before and Blaine didn't want to go back there.

Kurt leant forward, placing his hand on Blaine's arm. "Blaine, you don't have to do all this right away, or all at once."

"But I need to-"

"How about we take a break? Freshen up, clear your mind, and then you can tell me some more." Kurt suggested over the top of Blaine's insistence. Pushing himself too far won't do Blaine any favours, he needed to take things slowly as he was very fragile right now.

Blaine looked stricken for a moment. "You're not leaving are you?"

Kurt smiled gently. He had to be home soon if he wanted to finish marking some test papers, but he opted to stay for Blaine. His wellbeing was more important right now and Kurt didn't want the boy to fall into the deep end again.

"I can stay if you need me to."

Blaine just nodded with a small smile.

The talk about nothing and everything for about an hour after Kurt convinced Blaine to just relax for a while. Lunch was brought in for Blaine just as the boy started to complain about being hungry, but was unable to stomach everything because of the state his body was in; it was still recovering from the ordeal.

He shared what he couldn't eat with Kurt, feeling a little jittery because they were sharing a meal. As soon as the thought popped into his mind, Blaine distracted himself with another question for Kurt.

The hour passed quickly and Blaine decided it was time to finish his story.

"Do you think you're ready now?" Kurt asked gently.

Blaine opened his mouth to speak, but promptly closed it, seeming reluctant to continue. "If it's too much Blaine, you don't have to keep going."

Blaine sighed. "No, it's fine. I was just thinking about something."

Kurt stayed silent, waiting for Blaine to continue.

"I-I'm a lot better at expressing what I'm thinking through my writing, so would you mind reading something for me?"

A little taken aback, Kurt just nodded. Blaine leant over to the other side of the bed where a set of draws were place. He opened the top one and pulled out a notebook that appeared to have travelled the world fifty times over.

Pages were sticking out everywhere and the book was obviously bulging far more than what it should have been. Blaine opened the book to a page that had been marked and held it out to Kurt.

Kurt took the book from Blaine's slightly trembling fingers. "I, umm...I wrote this yesterday."

Looking down at the writing before him, Kurt noticed that it wasn't set out like Blaine's usual story writing. It was actually everywhere and a little hard to follow. It took Kurt a moment to realise that it was actually a song.

Short sentences had been written, words crossed out until the right one had been chosen. "You wrote a song?"

"Y-yeah, it helps me sort out what's going on in my head."

Kurt read through the lines once he found the flow of them, heart clenching at the words he was reading. The words he read were so emotion, filled with so much pain and desperation that it was hard for Kurt not to cry.

"Blaine, this is amazing." Kurt breathed in awe. "I can't even begin to imagine how moving it would be to listen to it."

Blaine took the book back when Kurt passed it over. "I don't think I could ever sing it, I wouldn't be able to handle it. Writing it was hard enough."

"Don't ever doubt yourself, Blaine." Kurt insisted. "One day, you will be able to sing this song and you will be able to reflect on how you got passed this point of your life. You will be proud of yourself for being strong, just like I am of you right now."

A small tear escaped from Blaine's eye. "No one has ever said that to me before."

"Well, then they're all idiots." Kurt smiled as he got a laugh out of Blaine. "I promise you, Blaine, that you will be singing this song one day."

"Thank-you, Kurt."

Blaine took a deep breath and Kurt sat comfortably back in his chair, both of them readying themselves for the next chapter.

_Blaine felt his body being forced forwards, causing him to stumble as he is shoved through the front door of his house. He crashed into the stand that sits by the door, causing a loud noise to echo through the house._

_"To you room. Now!"_

_John Anderson boomed at his son. Blaine cringed under the glare that was pointedly directed at him. He had never been so scared of anyone in his life. When Blaine went to walk up the stairs, his mother, Claire, came out of the kitchen, wondering what the noise was all about._

_On instinct, Blaine called out to her and attempted to run into her arms, needing the comfort of his mother's hold, even if he was just about to start high school._

_He never got the chance though._

_As his foot settled on the bottom step, his father grabbed him by the arms and started to drag him away, claiming that he had no right to touch his wife with his dirty hands._

_Blaine put up a fight, kicking and yelling at his father to let him go. He tried to pry his father's hands off of him, but his grip was too strong._

_Mr Anderson shoved Blaine forcefully though his bedroom door, once again causing Blaine to stumble. This time, however, Blaine tripped and landed on the hard edge of his bed. He felt the wood dig into his ribs, knocking the wind out of him._

_As he gasped for breath, Claire screamed at John, demanding to know what the hell was going on. She tried to get to her Blaine, but her husband had pulled his bedroom door closed._

_"John, what do you think you are doing to him?!"_

_"I'm punishing him for his behaviour."_

_Claire stared in shock, having no idea what Blaine could have done for John to react this way towards their son. "What did he do?"_

_"I found him…in the woods…_ kissing." _The word fell from his mouth, dripping in disgust and Blaine heard it loud and clear through his door. He fought to hold the tears back as he struggled to find air._

_Claire was flabbergasted. "John, he is a teenage boy, there is nothing wrong with him kissing at this age. How dare you treat him like this. Open his door, now."_

_John made a noise of protest. "Claire, I found him kissing…_ Jake."

_Blaine heard his mother gasp, the he heard a sob. Out in the hallway, Claire Anderson cried as her husband told her the truth about their son, how wrong he was and how much of a disappointment it was to have in their family._

_They left the hall, and Blaine; left him to find his breath again. Once he was okay enough to stand, Blaine fumbled for his phone, finding it in his pocket. He unlocked the screen and was greeted with five missed calls and a dozen text messages, all from Jake._

_Blaine, are you okay?_

_I'm sorry :(_

_I'm here if you need to talk._

_I'm getting worried now, Blaine._

_The other texts were very much the same, so Blaine dialled his voice mail and was greeted by his friend's frantic pleas._

_"Blaine, I'm getting really worried, please just tell me that you're okay."_

_"Goddammit, Blaine. What the hell is going on? Call me, okay?"_

_Blaine deleted all the voice mails and then found his best friend's name in his phone before clicking call. He didn't have to wait any longer than the first ring as Jake answered instantly._

_"Blaine, oh thank-god! What the hell dude, are you trying to give me a heart attack before I even reach high school?"_

_"Hello to you too, Jake."_

_"Sorry. Hi Blaine."_

_"That's better."_

_"Dude, seriously. What is going on?"_

_"Dad is furious. Mum is depressed. Now I am the shame of the family."_

_"Don't you dare talk like that!"_

_Blaine got up from off the floor to plop himself on his bed. A jolt of pain shot through his ribs and he groaned in protest. "Blaine, what was that?"_

_"Nothing."_

_He spoke too quickly and defensively. "Don't lie, what the hell happened."_

_Blaine retold what had happened when Jake left, how he was dragged back to the house, shoved through the door and how he hit his bed. He told Jake how he struggled to breathe._

_"He what?!"_

_The sound of loud, stomping footsteps echoed through the house and Blaine panicked. "I have to go, Jake."_

_"Blaine, don't you hang u-"_

_Blaine cut off the line just as his father flung the door open. His phone dropped onto his bed, luckily missed by John. His mother followed shortly after and Blaine was almost brought to tears just from looking at their disgusted expressions._

_His father stepped forward and spoke to him robotically. "Your behaviour is unacceptable, Blaine. You are not to see Jake again and you will attend church every Sunday with your mother until you are rid of this…curse."_

_Tears cut through Blaine's lids. "Dad, please…" Blaine choked. "This isn't a c-curse, it's who I a-am."_

_"You will do as I say, Blaine." John bellowed. "Your warped lifestyle choices are not permitted under this roof. You either get fixed, or you leave."_

_Both his parents gave him pointed looks before they turned away and walked from his room. Blaine sat on his bed, his knees pulled to his chest as he cried. He sobbed for what felt like hours until he heard the distinct sound of a car leaving their driveway. He looked out the window to see his parents leaving._

_Immediately, Blaine pulled out his phone and dialled Jake's number, needing the comfort of his best friend._

Kurt held Blaine tightly as the boy sobbed his way through his story. Kurt had moved to sit on the edge of Blaine's bed when it appeared he was struggling for breath. Kurt let Blaine cry, as he held him. He didn't care if others found this inappropriate, Blaine needed someone to look after him, someone to understand.

After Blaine had calmed down, Kurt loosened his grip and pulled himself from the edge of the bed. He promised Blaine that he would be back to hear the rest once Blaine had rested and gotten some strength back; he was emotionally exhausted.


	11. You're Going

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine Anderson's life is turned upside down in his senior year. Love isn't easy, and neither is dealing with a dark past. As Blaine faces the demons in his life, will Kurt be able to see what's happening to Blaine? What's in store for Blaine's final year of high school and the future of English teacher, Mr Kurt Hummel?
> 
> WARNINGS: Suicide attempts and self-harm.

Blaine was bored. He had been sitting up in his hospital bed – not allowed to wonder around on his own – for two hours with nothing more than the small television to entertain him. It would have been okay, had there been anything decent to watch, but as he didn't know German, wasn't five years old and would rather watch grass grow than watch an auction, there really was no other option but to be bored.

He had tried writing, but even though it helped him, it also worked up his emotions and he needed his mind to be fresh for when Kurt came back. And that there might just be his problem. He was waiting for Kurt to come visit again.

Waiting was never Blaine's finest quality, but this different. Waiting for Kurt left an ache in his chest and he knew exactly why; his heart ached for the man. He had pushed the thoughts of wanting Kurt from his mind when his teacher had last visited, but now that Kurt wasn't here, it was harder to ignore them.

It was inappropriate to feel this way about his teacher, Blaine knew that. He didn't see Kurt that way, though. He saw him as a friend, someone who understood him, who could help him. Maybe that is why Blaine's heart ached for him to be around, because Kurt was like a comfort for him, someone he could lean on.

"Hey, you up for a visitor?" The quiet voice at the door only barely registered to Blaine as his mind ran circles around him. He looked up to see Kurt poking his head around the door, smiling kindly.

Blaine let out a sigh of relief. "Yes! God, I am so bored."

Kurt let out a laugh and stepped into the room. Blaine took notice of his outfit – skin tight jeans in a deep shade of red along with a white button up – and had to put in effort to not stare.

"Lucky I stopped by, then." Kurt pulled out a small paper bag and two familiar looking cups which placed it on the wheelie table beside Blaine's bed, opening it and taking out the contents. "Okay, we have a double cheeseburger, a large fries, a blueberry muffin and I had no idea what kind of coffee you drink, so I got you a frappe because everyone loves frappes. Oh, and a biscotti – which you're sharing, by the way."

Blaine positively beamed. "Wow…Kurt, you didn't have to get all this."

"I know, but everyone hates the horrible food patients are served in hospitals, so I thought you would welcome a nice change." Kurt grinned, sitting down in the chair beside Blaine's bed after he placed the table in a position that Blaine could easily reach.

Blaine groaned in agreement. "You're definitely not wrong about that. I really appreciate it, Kurt. I really do, you didn't have to, you're already doing so much, you-"

"Blaine."

"Sorry." Blaine ducked his head, a blush creeping along his neck and a small smile spreading over his lips.

"It's okay, you're welcome."

They sit in silence for a while as Blaine starts to eat his lunch, starting with the fries as Kurt pulled out his own lunch from the bag. Blaine felt content like this, the feeling of knowing that someone cares and thinks of his needs not just their own.

Blaine picked up his cheeseburger once he had gone through his fries, biting into it hungrily. The taste made his mouth water. After five days of hospital food, the grease filled burger was like heaven. "This reminds me of the first time I ever had a cheeseburger."

"You can actually remember that?" Kurt laughed, picking up his chicken burger.

A sad look crossed over Blaine's face and Kurt regretted the question immediately. "Blaine, I...I'm sorry, I didn't-"

Blaine shook his head and waved off Kurt's apology. "No, it's okay. I brought it up, you don't have to apologise.

"You're sure?"

"Of course." Blaine sighed as he put down half of his burger. "I guess now is a good time to finish telling you what happened?"

Kurt considered the option. "Don't push yourself, you tell me when you're ready."

"Surprisingly, things were quite normal after my parents found out. They pretended I wasn't there for a week and then all of a sudden, I was the son to them that I was before."

"We did normal things together, dad took me to games, mum talked to me more than she ever has, they both took me out for meals more often than normal..."

_Blaine sat at the table, considering his options on the menu. The restaurant that his parents had brought him to wasn't the usual fancy affair, it was more like a diner than a restaurant. The options on the menu included foods like burgers and pizza, there were booths lining the walls and a few tables in the larger section of the relatively small building._

_The Anderson family never ate at places like this, Blaine's parents usually preferring to spend their evening wearing elegant clothing and purchasing way too expensive meals that came at half the size._

_Blaine was confused, but he wasn't complaining. It was a nice change to be treated like a normal teenager and not some snotty rich kid. It was nice to have a relationship back with his parents, whereas two weeks ago had been horrible, living in silence in his own home; this was a nice change._

_It had been this way for the past week and a half, his parents paid particular attention to him, involved themselves in his life more often – sometimes a little too often – spent more time with him and made him feel like a loved teenager._

_It felt as if the whole thing with Jake had not even happened. Which Blaine knew it had as he spoke to Jake at least once a day on the phone for hours when his parents had gone to sleep. He saw Jake at school now that they had started back, though they didn't share many classes, they got to have lunch together._

_Blaine didn't let himself worry for too long. Because why worry about something when there is nothing wrong? "Blaine, honey, have you decided what you want to eat?"_

_"Er, the chicken salad."_

_His father regarded him with a slightly disappointed look. "You sure? You don't want the burger or some pizza?"_

_"No, the salad is fine." Blaine assured, slightly confused by his father's behaviour._

_John's expression turned cold, taking Blaine back to his room where his parents stood in front of him and told him that he needed to be fixed. "You're a growing_ boy _, you need to eat more than just a salad."_

_"It'll be enough dad, I don't feel like a greasy burger or pizza."_

_His mother was still staring at her menu, eyes not moving and cold like her husbands. John stared at Blaine for a moment before giving up and signalling the waitress over._

Kurt listened with confusion, not understanding where Blaine was going with this, but he knew that it was significant, he just didn't know why.

"It was then that I started to notice what they were doing. Dad was always trying to feed me more food than I could eat with more calories than I needed. Mum started to talk to me about the people in my classes, paying particular attention to any girls I mentioned. Dad bought and old, broken down car and had me help fix it, taking up all my time on the weekends. I never got the chance to play my guitar, or sing."

"They were trying to make me straight. They even went as far as giving me The Talk when I brought a friend, Melissa, home from school one day. I couldn't handle it, but knew I had to sit through it. The pattern continued for weeks. Dad would come home every Friday night with a new activity for us  _men_  to do and mum constantly asked about girls.

"I was still talking to Jake, whenever I knew my parents weren't around. I went to his house a lot, needing to get away from home. They never knew I was there, mum and dad. They always thought I was out with girls or the football team, but I was always with Jake. Almost half way into my freshman year was when everything came crashing down…"

_Blaine was sitting on his bed, resting against the headboard. He was holding his phone to his ear, listening to Jake chatter about everything he could think of. That's what Blaine liked the most about his best friend, he never ran out of anything to say and Blaine could just sit and listen. This is what they always did when Blaine wasn't in the best of moods, Jake took control of the conversation and just provided a comfort for Blaine._

_Partway through their conversation, Blaine's dad called from downstairs to announce that they were home. Panicking, Blaine quickly said goodbye to Jake and promised to talk later and apologising that he had to go earlier than he had planned._

_"Blaine, are you in there?"_

_"Uh, yeah dad." Blaine stammered. "Just a sec."_

_His door opened, revealing his dad in his usual business suit – an outfit that he never left the house without. "Blaine, what are you hiding?"_

_Blaine pulled his hand out from under his pillow where he had been pushing his phone out of sight. "Hiding? What do you mean?"_

_"Don't lie to me, Blaine."_

_John didn't wait for an answering response from Blaine, he just stepped forward and pulled Blaine's pillow out from behind him. Panic sunk in when Blaine saw his father's eyes land on his phone, knowing that there was no way out of the inevitable._

_Blaine held his breath as his father picked up his phone and scrolled through lists that Blaine couldn't see. He knew his father had seen either his text messages or calls list when the man's expression turned stiff, jaw set._

_John's hand clenched tightly around Blaine's phone, his knuckles turning white. He spoke to Blaine through clenched teeth. "I told you…to stay…_ away _…from this…kid."_

_"I-I know, but-"_

_"No buts!" John bellowed, the noise echoing around Blaine's room like thunder. "You are not to see him or contact him ever again. We gave you two choices, Blaine. You could either fix yourself, or get out."_

_Blaine felt the sting return behind his eyes, one he hadn't felt since the night his father found him with Jake. "Dad, I don't need fixing, there is nothing to fix."_

_The pleading sound in his sons voice had no effect on John. "You made your choice, Blaine. Pack your things, you're going."_

_John turned to Blaine's cupboard and pulled out his suitcase, throwing it onto the bed beside Blaine._

_"Dad, no…please. Please, dad. You can't do this, I-I can change, I'll try harder."_

_John turned back to Blaine, glaring directly into his son's pleading eyes. "No, you had your chance, have your bags packed in an hour."_

_Tears leaked through Blaine's eyelids as he squeezed his eyes shut. "But wh-where will I g-go?"_

_Blaine choked out the words, a lump forming in his throat._

_"You're going to Dalton Academy."_


	12. Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine Anderson's life is turned upside down in his senior year. Love isn't easy, and neither is dealing with a dark past. As Blaine faces the demons in his life, will Kurt be able to see what's happening to Blaine? What's in store for Blaine's final year of high school and the future of English teacher, Mr Kurt Hummel?
> 
> WARNINGS: Suicide attempts and self-harm.

Laughter; light, happy, velvety laughter seeped through Kurt's ears. It was contagious and he wanted to laugh along too, but the emotion was so unexpected that he wasn't too sure how to take it.

Only moments ago, Blaine had been on the verge of sobbing, in fact, he had let a few sobs escape his lips while talking about the day his father kicked him out. However, the frown on the boy's face vanished and now he was alternating between throwing his head back in loud bursts of laughter and doubling over in giggles.

Kurt had seen this happen before. Sometimes, when someone's emotions are pushed too far, they can react in odd ways, such as laughing hysterically. Though, Blaine's laugh wasn't humourless, or cynical, it was warm and lively. It was genuine.

"Umm…Blaine?" Kurt asked cautiously, wondering what had caused the boy to abruptly start laughing.

Blaine attempted to talk, but was stopped by a sudden onslaught of giggles. He held up his hand in a gesture to say 'just a minute' and Kurt sat back in his chair, watching patiently as Blaine slowly gained his breath and self-control.

"S-sorry." Blaine choked out, gasping for a fresh lung full of air.

Kurt laughed lightly. "It's okay." He waved his hand dismissively. "Though, I am very intrigued by what was so funny."

Blaine held his stomach, still fighting off a small round of giggles, though he was able to talk through them. "For a man who was so well known for his intelligence and manipulative personality, he was such an ignorant idiot who couldn't see what was right in front of him."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, my dad sent me away because he didn't want me to be gay, he thought that sending me to an all-boys school would make me more manly. He didn't think about the fact that I would be surrounded by all those boys. Not to mention that out of a whole school of boys, there was bound to be someone else who was gay."

Kurt laughed in response. "Yeah, well trying to change you was his first mistake."

"It sure was." Blaine agreed. "It makes it even funnier that my roommate in freshman year was gay, though."

Kurt held his hand to his mouth in an attempt to stifle his giggles, but once Blaine started back up again and clutched his stomach, Kurt couldn't fight his own. Kurt, although laughing to the point where he was finding it hard to breathe, watched Blaine. He watched the natural gleam return to his eyes, the white of his teeth emphasising his smile and the lines etched on his face that brightened the room.

Without realising it, Kurt had stopped his laughter as he watched Blaine and other boy had noticed his teacher's silence. He glanced up to find Kurt regarding him with an unreadable expression. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"It's just really good to see you so happy." Kurt told him truthfully. "After the week you have had, you deserve to laugh a little. Actually, after everything you have been through, you deserve to laugh  _a lot_."

Blaine stared, his mouth slightly open. "Umm, th-thank-you." He paused, considering what he was going to say next. "It has a lot to do with you, actually. You're making it a lot easier for me. I really appreciate all of this, Kurt." Blaine ducked his head.

"You're more than welcome."

After a few moments of silence where Blaine glanced up at Kurt through his eyelashes and Kurt kept his eyes trained on Blaine, subtly trying to understand how the boy was feeling, Kurt decided to ask about Blaine's brother.

"You mentioned your brother the other day, he went to LA?"

Blaine nodded, somewhat robotically. "He did. He had already moved before my parents found out I was gay, but I haven't spoken to him since they did. We used to talk all the time. He would call and ask me how school was, what I was up to. He made me promise at the end of every phone call that I would come to stay with him one day. We always talked about the things that we would do together, the places he would take me to see."

Kurt watched Blaine as his lips turned up in the corners in a small smile. "But, after my parents found out about me, I never heard from him. I thought, out of everyone that I knew, Cooper would be the one who would accept me, would understand me. I was so wrong, I couldn't have been more wrong if I tried…"

_Blaine was sitting on his bed with the phone pressed to his ear, his brother's voice flowing through the line. It was their traditional phone call that they had scheduled for every Monday, Wednesday and Friday as they were the days that Cooper was most likely to be free. He sometimes called on a Saturday or Sunday if he got the chance, given his busy lifestyle._

_They had been talking for only a minute when Blaine's mother called from in the hall. "Blaine, who is on the phone."_

_He yelled back that it was Cooper and went to resume his conversation when she stepped through his door. "Could I speak to him? It will only take a minute."_

_Blaine handed the phone over then turned to his book he had been reading when Cooper had called. Hi mother put the phone to her ear, greeting Copper happily before turning away and walking from Blaine's room._

_She closed the door, but Blaine could still hear her voice. Blaine had always liked to keep to himself as he grew up and quite often would pretend not to hear other members of his family attempting to interact with him from different rooms of the house. It had annoyed his family to no end as they would have to come to his room if they wanted something, but Blaine had always found it rewarding. His mother didn't feel the need to move further than two steps down the hall, figuring Blaine wouldn't be able to overhear her talking._

_He did find it a little difficult to hear the conversation over his music though, and was only able to capture parts of what his mother was saying when the song softened. He heard nothing of importance at first, the conversation seeming relatively normal, until he felt his heart sink. His mother's next words sent ice through him. "Blaine…Jake…kissing."_

_Blaine had wanted to tell Cooper, he had wanted to talk to someone who he thought would be supportive. He believed that Cooper would be one of those people, but he had wanted to be the one to tell him, he wanted to come out to his brother on his own terms._

_He caught no more of the conversation as the next song that played through his speakers was louder and he couldn't hear more than muffled sounds from outside his room._

_After waiting a few minutes, Claire returned to Blaine's room. She looked at him sadly and held the phone in her hand, but made no move to pass it back to Blaine. "Dinner will be ready soon."_

_She turned around with the intention of leaving, but Blaine called out to stop her. "Wait, is Cooper still on the phone?"_

_"Oh, no he's not. Sorry sweetie, he had to go."_

_Blaine stared at her, confused. "But it's Wednesday, he said he was free for the night."_

_"He said something came up and he'll call when he can."_

Blaine scoffed, his eyes filling with angry tears. "That was the biggest lie, something didn't just come up…he didn't want to talk to me after mum told him how my father caught me kissing Jake. He would never end a call by saying he'll call when he can, he always pencilled it in, without fail."

"God, I just thought that he would accept me no matter what. I had always known that I wouldn't be able to come out to my parents until I was old enough to live on my own or once I had already been to college. But I had thought I would be able to at least tell Cooper."

Kurt's heart broke for the millionth time, it was hard enough having both his parents hate him for who he was, but to have his brother hate him as well? Kurt couldn't imagine it. His father had always accepted him from even before Kurt came out, his mother accepted him too, with open arms. Although it had taken a lot of effort on both parts, Kurt was also accepted by his brother who was now his best friend. He couldn't even imagine them hating him.

"I never spoke to him since. He never called, it was always mum who had to call him. It was the same as the last time, he didn't have time to talk after his conversation with mum. There was always an excuse why he had to leave. I tried calling him myself, but there was never an answer, it always went straight to voice mail, which he never returned anyway. I texted him, called him, I even wrote to him, but never heard single word back."

Blaine pulled his legs up, resting his elbows on his knees and burying his head in his arms. He ran his fingers through his hair and tugged on his dark curls, groaning in frustration. Kurt scooted his chair closer to the bed, enabling him to reach across to Blaine and pry his hands from his hair.

"Please Blaine, you need to stay calm. Take deep breaths." Kurt coaxed the boy into letting go of his hair and taking calming breaths. It worked enough that Blaine let his arms fall to rest on his legs, but he kept his knees pulled up and his head down. Kurt stood up and sat on the edge of the bed, grasping Blaine's joint hands in his own.

Blaine looked up in surprise, glancing at Kurt then their hands, and back to Kurt again in slight confusion. When Kurt squeezed his hands in assurance, Blaine's lips turned up into a small, shy smile and he ducked his head to rest it back on his knees.

He ignored the feeling in his stomach that made him slightly dizzy, he ignored the pull on his heartstrings as he thought of how much Kurt has done for him. He ignored the sudden urge to admit to himself that he was having real feelings and not just a childish crush. But he didn't ignore the soft pressure of a warm thumb rubbing small, repetitive lines on the back of his hand.

It felt like some sort of connection, even if it wasn't the one he wanted.

He held on to that feeling.


	13. Mike and Sebastian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine Anderson's life is turned upside down in his senior year. Love isn't easy, and neither is dealing with a dark past. As Blaine faces the demons in his life, will Kurt be able to see what's happening to Blaine? What's in store for Blaine's final year of high school and the future of English teacher, Mr Kurt Hummel?
> 
> WARNINGS: Suicide attempts and self-harm.

"Can I ask you a question, Blaine?"

Sebastian had been to visit Blaine for the day at the hospital, having been let out early from school as they were coming close to the end of the school year. Classes were finishing up and teachers were now going through revision. Freshman had to stay for the whole year, while seniors were given allocated time to study for their final exams. Sebastian was meant to be at home revising for his chemistry class, but he had opted out of boring himself to tears and instead chose to visit his best friend.

Kurt had been in earlier, while Sebastian was there, and Blaine spent most of his time retelling stories from his past. Things had been good for Blaine once he had transferred to Dalton Academy, Sebastian knew that much. They had been roommates since they were freshman and Sebastian kept Blaine grounded, ensured that he didn't let his parents or anyone else try to change him. He was happy to see how at ease his friend was now, talking about the fun the Warblers had, the trouble they usually caused, and the many things that he and Sebastian got themselves into.

It was a nice change from the past months in the senior year. Sebastian took the time while Blaine was explaining about a particular incident (involving the wing's kitchen, a recipe of disaster and three food covered Warblers) to watch Blaine. The way his eyes lit up in parts of his story, but no the parts where he felt the happiness he had felt at the time it had happened, but the parts where Kurt would laugh with him, where he would smile or comment with his own story or memory.

Sebastian could see the change in Blaine when Kurt was around. He was livelier, more enthusiastic. He looked like he was recovering fast with the help of Kurt. Sebastian noted the smile that graced Blaine's lips, though no his usual thousand watt smile, but the delicate one reserved for those Blaine felt were special. One of those smiles was often directed at Sebastian himself, however this one was different. There was a different emotion behind it.

Though, once Kurt had left the room, he seemed to take the smile with him.

"Yeah, sure."

Sebastian tossed a few lines around in his head, trying to find the best possible way to approach the topic with Blaine shutting down on him. He decided to take the long way by asking questions Blaine wouldn't suspect.

"Are you feeling better? You definitely look better, but how are you feeling?"

Blaine looked thoughtful for a moment before talking. "I definitely feel heaps better than I did a week ago, but…I'm going to be honest with you, I still don't feel that great at the moment. Reliving everything is so hard, it has taken me the week to explain everything to Kurt, but I'm so exhausted."

"You'll get better Blaine, I know you will. Kurt seems to be helping you a lot."

As expected, Blaine's lips curled up at the corners. Unlike a toothy grin, this delicate smile held more emotion, more meaning and Sebastian knew, just by seeing his friend's reaction to Kurt's name, that Blaine felt something for the man.

Although Sebastian was happy that Blaine was able to feel like this towards someone, to have a healthy feelings rather than the ones that had been affecting him so much recently, but he was worried for Blaine too. The last thing that Blaine needed right now was to have to deal with rejection, and that's exactly how this would end.

Kurt is Blaine's teacher. Nothing could happen between them.

Sebastian just hoped Blaine knew that.

"Yeah, he has. He's really made this so much easier than it would have been if I was talking to a counsellor, but he understands what I am going through because he went through similar stuff and knows what it is like." Blaine's smile disappeared when he realised what he had just said. "Oh crap, Sebastian promise me you won't say  _anything_  to  _anyone_  about what I just said, that wasn't really my business to tell."

Sebastian laughed. "Relax, Blaine. I'm not going to say anything."

Blaine visibly relaxed, knowing that Sebastian would stand by his word to not mention a thing to anyone. Though, Sebastian wasn't all that shocked to find out that Kurt was gay as well. He had seen the way Kurt responded to the girls in the teacher's English class when they bombarded him around the school, even Sebastian would have shown more interest than Kurt did.

The silence lasted only a moment before Blaine decided to continue talking about his teacher and how much he has helped him throughout his stay at the hospital. Sebastian watched Blaine's eyes as he recounted every moment he had spent with Kurt over the past week, though most of the time was spent telling stories of Blaine's past. The emotions behind Blaine's eyes were so strong that there was no way Sebastian could miss them, or not understand what they meant.

Blaine was in love with Kurt Hummel and he didn't even realise it.

Sebastian stayed with Blaine for most of the day, leaving only when Kurt returned later in the afternoon to insist that Sebastian go get food and rest. He needed to be focussed for his finals that were coming up. Reluctantly, Sebastian left Blaine's side, though slightly more willingly when he saw the gleam in Blaine's eyes return.

Kurt had brought with him Blaine's usual, a medium drip and blueberry muffin. They both talked lightly over their coffees and food, Kurt mulling over his plan to ask Blaine why, after recovering form everything he had been through, he had ended up in such a bad place now, while Blaine contemplated how to tell Kurt the final piece of his story, the piece that had caused him the most pain.

Blaine started slowly, explaining to Kurt that he had gotten better over his time in Dalton. He had spent most of his time with Sebastian in his freshman year, they both became so close that Blaine was able to push all his memories to the back of his mind. Jeff helped Blaine find his voice again, tempting him with impromptu performances and competitions, while the Warblers became his family, the family that he never had in his own home. They all helped him forget.

At least for a little while.

_Blaine got himself comfortable on his bed, piling pillows behind him as he settled in for a night of movies. Sebastian clambered onto the bed once he had located the TV remote and snacks for both of them to share._

_The two boys had decided to have a movie night as they had just moved all their stuff back into their shared dorm room, in time for their senior year. Classes didn't start until Monday, so Blaine and Sebastian chose to stay up late on their first Friday night at Dalton._

_"What are we watching?"_

_Blaine picked up the DVDs he had chosen from his and Sebastian's collection, showing them to his friend. Sebastian eyed them critically before his lips turned into an eager grin. He pulled out on DVD and handed it to Blaine._

_"Magic Mike?" Blaine chuckled. "I should have known, I knew you would make me watch it eventually."_

_"Well, the fact that you haven't seen it already is a crime."_

_They put the DVD in and clicked play on the menu button, starting the movie. Blaine couldn't help but laugh at the way Sebastian ogled the screen, and Sebastian couldn't help but laugh in return when he saw Blaine's eyes widen, his innocence more evident to Sebastian more than ever._

_As one of the characters was introduced into the movie, Sebastian watched Blaine's reaction, merely wanting to find something else about his best friend's naivety to laugh about. Though, when Blaine's expression went from intrigued disbelief to complete and utter shock, he got the impression that this wasn't the time to laugh._

_Blaine tensed as the new character stepped forward on the stage, immerging in stage lights, chest bare to the audience on the screen and the two teens sitting on the bed. Sebastian watched Blaine as his limbs went rigid and his eyebrows furrowed; be it in anger, confusion or something else, Sebastian wasn't sure._

_"Blaine…are you okay?" Sebastian asked cautiously._

_His friend stared for a moment, trying to find his words._

_"Tha…that's my brother."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blaine didn't tell Kurt about his brother being in Magic Mike, so Kurt has no idea who Blaine's brother is!


	14. Backboard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine Anderson's life is turned upside down in his senior year. Love isn't easy, and neither is dealing with a dark past. As Blaine faces the demons in his life, will Kurt be able to see what's happening to Blaine? What's in store for Blaine's final year of high school and the future of English teacher, Mr Kurt Hummel?
> 
> WARNINGS: Suicide attempts and self-harm.

When he was little and frightened, the first thing Blaine ever thought to do was to call his brother, or find him down the hall. If he was ever sad, he knew that he would always have his brother's jokes to make him happy. Cooper's voice would always calm him down when he was angry or frustrated and when he was happy, Cooper was always there to share his excitement with.

Blaine's first day of school had been such an emotional rollercoaster. There had been the joy of finally being a big kid, just like Cooper, the adrenaline rush when exploring the jungle of a playground with his newly found friends and the swapping of stories while they ate their playlunch.

Though there were the moments that had left Blaine feeling upset. He had not been picked to play on the lunchtime football team, he had lost his favourite pencil to the mass of other pencils in the classroom that seemed to gobble it up and had missed out on free time because he had not been able to finish his writing.

Cooper had been there for him through it all.

He listened to every detail that Blaine fired rapidly at him, laughing, smiling, frowning and comforting at all the right times. Even when it was clear that Cooper was no longer listening to Blaine's actual words, he was still there to make Blaine feel better about everything.

It was because of this that Blaine felt the need to speak to his brother again.

"I just really needed to hear his voice, to hear him tell me that  _everything in going to be okay, squirt_ ," Blaine explained longingly, "I didn't want to believe that he would just stop talking to me like he did. I tried to call him every day for weeks when I started my senior year. I wanted to tell him how scared I was that it was my last year and I would have to plan my future. I wanted him to be there to help me plan it."

Blaine recalled the day he had found Cooper's new number, how hurt and broken he had felt when he realised his mother hadn't passed it on to him. He had been so close to finally talking to his brother, because he refused to believe that he would never get the chance again, but then his mother had caught him.

The fall out was nothing but screaming , tears and a hard slap across Blaine's face that left a red mark for many hours after. He had sat on his bed, trembling with the fear of his mother's new found tempter, her words echoing through his mind like a persistent reminder of how much his family actually did hate him.

_"He doesn't want to talk to you. He doesn't even want to know you."_

_"But, why mum?"_

_"Because he is ashamed of you."_

Blaine really was starting to hate that every time Kurt came into the hospital, it always ended the exact same way; Blaine in tears, his body shaking in sobs while Kurt tried his best to calm the fragile boy down. It helped, quite a lot actually, but Blaine just wanted to stop feeling this way. Like he couldn't breathe from the pressure of the world around him.

Kurt helped. He really did help ease the pain that Blaine was feeling, but the comfort blanket Kurt provided him only lasted as long as Kurt was there. He needed his brother more than anything in his life right now, but Cooper wanted nothing to do with him.

Blaine focussed on the positives though. He was getting better; that was a definite. He knew he wasn't going to be better in a week, or even next month, but there was progress and that is all that mattered.

The conversation turned light again and Kurt's eyes were squinting with laughter. Blaine smiled brightly at the sight; even though Cooper was no longer in his life to be his emotional backboard, Blaine knew that Kurt would be able to take his place just as well.

Shortly after, while Kurt was part way through telling Blaine of the various assignments he was missing out on, a nurse popped her head in around the door.

"Am I interrupting anything?"

Kurt shook his head, giving the girl a small smile and a 'just talking', indicating she was welcome to come in.

She was a tall girl, with dark curls that fell below her waist and eyes that mirrored kindness and compassion. Though Blaine was still uncertain about her, like he was with all the doctors and nurses that he had seen. It wasn't that he didn't believe they knew what they were doing, he trusted them fully when it came to the medical side of things, but he was intimidated by their positions. It made him feel paranoid, but there was a part of Blaine that didn't want to accept what they had to say.

Much like now.

"Sorry Mr Hummel, but if you wouldn't mind stepping outside for a moment, I just need to discuss a few things with Blaine."

Blaine hated those words. He hated them even more when Kurt gave his shoulder a squeeze and made to leave the room.

"Wait, can…um , can he stay?"

The nurse nodded, her small smile showing that she knew Blaine would ask that very question. The nurse's words had not lead to the frightening discussion Blaine had initially thought they would, but there was a moment where Kurt had to intervene and insist that "No, Blaine really does not what his parents to be called," and "Yes, calling them will only make things ten times worse."

She had been reluctant to accept Blaine and Kurt's protests, but eventually saw from the look on Blaine's face that nothing good would come from calling his parents.

Blaine had been grateful for Kurt's presence in their 'meeting' with the nurse, knowing that his temper would have gotten the better of him, had Kurt not been there. The thought of Kurt not being there lead to Blaine realising that Kurt in fact did not need to visit him anymore. Blaine had told his story, there was nothing else that Kurt needed to know. A tight pain clenched in Blaine's chest. He didn't want this to be the end.

"I better be off, let you have dinner," Kurt stood from his chair, glancing at the clock on the wall that read five-thirty, "Plus, I have to get back to mark some papers."

Blaine tried not to think about tomorrow and the loneliness he will feel when Kurt doesn't return. His misery is short-lived though, when Kurt turns back to him just before he walks out the door.

"Get a good night sleep, too. I don't want you falling asleep over your medium drip and blueberry muffin tomorrow."

It took Blaine until he fell asleep at nine-thirty for his smile to wear off.


	15. Leather Bound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine Anderson's life is turned upside down in his senior year. Love isn't easy, and neither is dealing with a dark past. As Blaine faces the demons in his life, will Kurt be able to see what's happening to Blaine? What's in store for Blaine's final year of high school and the future of English teacher, Mr Kurt Hummel?
> 
> WARNINGS: Suicide attempts and self-harm.

Blaine felt cramped. His muscles were stiff, his hand was numb and he was almost certain that his back was covered in ice; which didn't actually make any sense. How could his back feel like ice at the same time his legs resembled the temperature of an oven?

He moved his arm. Well, he thought he did. He felt it moving, though it didn't really feel like it had actually moved from where it was. It kind of just…it was heavy, so he couldn't really tell.

Beeping. Why was there beeping?

Blaine frowned. He didn't listen to music with beeping in it.

It  _was_  his music, wasn't it?

Yes, it was. His earphones were pressing against his neck, the sounds vibrating through his muscles and reaching deep into his eardrums. There were other sounds though. Rough sounds. They didn't suit the music, they didn't belong with the music. They were a part of something else.

He rolled over. Why? Blaine had no idea.

There was that sound again. Oh, that's why.

Blaine's eyes opened to the view of someone sitting in the chair beside his bed. He moved to sit up and realised that the blanket that he was clutching to his chest, was not covering his back and his arm was wedged under his pillow, beginning to sting with pins and needles.

Kurt's face came into focus after a moment of Blaine staring to try and figure out where he was. He was wearing his trademark skinny jeans, though today they were yellow. Blaine wondered how Kurt was able to keep such colours so clean; but then again, if he could keep the Chuck Taylors on his feet so perfectly white, then he was more than capable of doing the same for his clothes.

His movements caught Kurt's eyes and the man glanced over at Blaine, his lips turning up at the corners. Blaine grinned back sleepily, blinking his eyes to try and keep them from closing again.

"Oh god, you look like a puppy!" Kurt's giggle encouraged Blaine to laugh along with him, though his came out rough and deep, unlike Kurt's angelic sounds.

The sound of Kurt's laughter continued when Blaine tried to speak, so he opted for narrowing his eyes at the laughing man.

"Seriously, what is that supposed to be?" Kurt gestured to Blaine's expression.

Blaine furrowed his eyebrows further. "Evils."

Kurt scoffed. "Well, that's mature of you."

"I resent that."

They both levelled each other with glares, though they were only able to hold the stare for a short moment before they were both laughing again. Blaine had gained feeling back in his arm and had managed to pull himself into a sitting position. Kurt pressed the buttons on his bed controls to raise the top of the bed, giving Blaine something to lean on.

"What are you doing back?" Blaine asked and then caught himself. "I mean, not that I don't appreciate it or anything, but I thought you would be pretty busy with classes and stuff."

"Thought you might want some company," Kurt shrugged, pulling up a bag from the floor and flipping in open. He pulled out a thick stack of papers and shook them in his hand, "and I also needed a quiet place to mark papers."

Blaine stared, dumbfounded. "You needed a  _quiet_  place to mark papers and you chose my  _hospital room_?"

"My house is full of loud, energetic toddlers that do not know the meaning of personal space; this is silence compared to home."

Kurt kept rummaging through his bag with a small frown in his face. "Aha!" Blaine jumped in surprise at Kurt's outburst. "Plus, I also wanted to give you this."

Blaine eyed the brown, leather-bound book that Kurt was holding out for him. He took it hesitantly in his hands, untying the string that held it closed. The first page had his name scrawled diagonally across the middle in a fancy handwriting Blaine didn't recognise. He stared at the writing in confusion then flicked his eyes to Kurt's.

"I noticed that you barely had any pages left in your other notebook, so I thought you might need a new one to write in."

Blaine was so tired of crying this week, but he couldn't help the tears that fell silently from his eyes in disbelief that Kurt would do something like this for him. "Thank-you."

Talking about Blaine's notebook led them to Kurt asking Blaine if he was ever going to pursue a career that involved music, to which Blaine went into a breathless speech about how much he would love to get into a performing arts school to study anything that related to music. He told Kurt of the many venues he dreamed of performing at and all the places of the world he wanted to see.

Blaine spoke passionately about the music he wanted to create, of his lyrics and how he wants to be an artist who writes what he feels, what he thinks. Blaine loses himself in the conversation until he reaches a point where he has run out of steam and needs to breathe. He relaxes into the bed, placing the book on his knees and reaching for a pen that was on the table beside the bed.

Without thinking, with no planning, Blaine let himself go, let himself write feely what he was feeling. He ran the pen across the page, the tip scratching letters and forming words on the surface as he let the words flow from his mind, through his arm and to the tip of his pen.

Kurt watched him in fascination, amazed by the speed of the boy's wrist. Kurt could sing and he could perform, he could write too but he had never been able to write music or songs. Blaine made it look so effortless.

He watched for a moment longer before turning to his own papers, beginning to read through his freshman English class' creative stories.

It had been almost an hour since either of them had spoken when the lunch trolley came in, serving Blaine a warm meal that consisted of…he didn't even know what. Kurt had bought himself some food when he had gotten Blaine his morning tea.

Once lunch had been finished and cleared away, a nurse from the day before came in to speak to Blaine again while checking all his vitals.

"Mr Hummel, I need to speak to Blaine," she spoke kindly, but Kurt knew what she was about to ask, "could you please-"

"I already told you that he can stay." Kurt paused mid-rise from his chair.

The nurse sighed, giving Blaine a sad smile. "I'm really sorry, but this isn't actually something that I am allowed to discuss with Mr Hummel-"

"Kurt." Blaine corrected.

"Sorry, but I must ask that you step outside for a moment, Kurt," she turned to speak to Blaine, "he can come back when we are done."

Kurt stood up and left the room, letting the door click shut behind him. He didn't think the nurse would be very long, so he decided to stay outside the room; he didn't want Blaine thinking that he had left.

He fiddled with his phone for a couple of minutes, attempting to find something interesting within the mocking device, until he heard yelling from inside Blaine's room. Automatically, he turned to look through the door only to land his eyes on a frantically panicking Blaine who the nurse was trying to calm down. Kurt could see Blaine's condition rapidly deteriorating; all the progress they had made in the last week unravelling in a single moment.

Kurt discarded all rules of protocol that the staff were constantly uttering and pushed into the room, instantly at Blaine's side.

"Mr Hummel, you can't be in here."

Kurt ignored her.

"Blaine, hey…come on, calm down," Kurt placed his hand on Blaine's arms, rubbing lines up and down in an attempt to calm the boy, "just relax, you're okay."

Blaine's body was close to violently shaking now, his arms and legs appearing as if Blaine was trying his best to keep them still and fighting from thrashing. His eyes were wide in panic when the nurse hit the emergency call button and began pulling the rails up on his bed.

"No! Please, don't!"

Kurt felt the pain in Blaine's voice, the pleading tone. "What on earth did you tell him?"

"I cannot discuss that with you."

In the nurses momentary distraction, Blaine flung his legs over the side of the bed that she had not put the rails up on yet. Landing solidly on his feet, he put one in front of the other and fled from the room.


	16. Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine Anderson's life is turned upside down in his senior year. Love isn't easy, and neither is dealing with a dark past. As Blaine faces the demons in his life, will Kurt be able to see what's happening to Blaine? What's in store for Blaine's final year of high school and the future of English teacher, Mr Kurt Hummel?
> 
> WARNINGS: Suicide attempts and self-harm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the angst :(

When Kurt entered the corridor, his breath caught in his throat. Blaine was standing in the middle, eyes darting to every corner, body vibrating in anticipation and fear. Five nurses were standing around him, though keeping their distance.

One nurse stepped forward, placing a hand on Blaine's shoulder to steady him. "Blaine sweetie, it's time to go."

"No!" Blaine jumped back, throwing his hands out in front of him. His chest was rising and falling rapidly, increasing by the minute. It was only when Blaine threw his arms up that Kurt noticed the clear cylinder in the boy's right hand, light reflecting off the long, thin silver point on the end.

One nurse caught sight of the syringe, her first reaction to reach forward and try to get closer to Blaine. "Don't," Blaine yelled, "come any closer." He lifted the syringe, holding it directly above his chest.

"Say I don't have to," Blaine rasped in a yelling whisper, "say I don't have to go, or I'll do it."

Kurt slowly crept forward, edging himself closer to Blaine who didn't notice as he was not in Blaine's line of sight. None of the nurses were going to tell Blaine that he didn't have to go; to where, Kurt did not know; none of their words would help, not even Kurt's.

Two steps more and Kurt would be able to reach Blaine.

"Don't make me do it, don't make me, don't make me, don't." Blaine's voice was now barely a whisper and he was looking down at his hand.

One more step.

The doors to Blaine's left burst open, two doctors and a nurse bursting through. Kurt acted quickly. He was on Blaine's right, the closer side to the syringe, and was able to grasp both of Blaine's wrists in a strong grip. He pulled them both away from the boy's body, tucking them behind him as if to cuff them.

Blaine fought against Kurt, pushing his arms in an attempt to release his own. The effort if took to match Kurt's strength forced Blaine to release his hand, dropping the syringe to the floor.

The doctors were at Kurt and Blaine's side immediately and held Blaine's arms tightly, allowing Kurt to step away. Blaine was surprisingly strong for his size once he had enough leverage and it took the strength of both doctors to force him back into his room and onto the bed. They pulled out plastic straps and attached them to Blaine's wrists, tying them to the cold bed rails.

"Blaine, you need to stop struggling," Kurt pleaded, "it's only making things worse for you. Can you do that for me?"

Blaine wanted to put up a fight, he really did. But Kurt's voice cut into his thoughts, pulling them apart and forcing his limbs to still. He stopped kicking his legs, he stopped tugging against the plastic restraining his wrists. Instead, he concentrated on controlling his panicked breaths.

He tried to fight the small sobs, but the effort from keeping still made it impossible. He kept still, though. For Kurt. He didn't want to be here anymore; he wanted to get away from the doctors, away from the nurses.

"I don't want to go," Blaine sobbed, "Please don't make me go."

Kurt placed his hand on Blaine's, giving it a squeeze. He told him that everything would be okay, gently shushing Blaine while the doctors were talking. It calmed Blaine a little, but his breaths were still coming out raspy and rapid.

"We need to transfer him today."

Kurt whipped his head around to face the doctors, directing a glare at the one who had spoken. "Transfer him  _where_?"

"Mr Hummel, Blaine needs help," the doctor sighed sadly, "help that we cannot provide him here. We're transferring him to a psychiatric hospital where he can recover properly."

The doctors took hold of Blaine's bed, beginning to wheel him out of the room. Kurt watched sadly, the horrible sound of Blaine crying reaching his ears.

"Wait."

The doctors stopped, each turning to face Kurt who stood still, staring at them with slightly wide eyes as if he didn't believe he was the one who called out.

Kurt shook himself when Blaine let put a particularly painful whimper. He walked quickly to the side of Blaine's bed and reached for the boy's hand. "You'll be okay, Blaine," Kurt assured him, "You will get through this. All your friends believe in you. I believe in you. You will be okay."

Tears rolled down Blaine's cheeks as he squeezed Kurt's hand in return. He gave Kurt small smile, though his lips trembled. "Tha-thank-you, Kurt. For everything."

"Just promise me you will stay strong."

"I will." Blaine promised. "There is something in the draw for you; can you please take it with you before you leave?"

Kurt nodded. "Of course." His attention was focussed on Blaine though and he hadn't really registered exactly what Blaine had asked. The doctors insisted that it was time to leave, so Kurt gave Blaine's hand a tight squeeze and a final goodbye. Kurt wanted to look away so he didn't see the fear in Blaine's eyes when the doctors wheeled him out, but he kept his eyes locked with the boy's.

A few minutes passed before Kurt remembered what Blaine had asked him. He walked over to the draw and pulled it open, his eyes landing on Blaine's notebook that he wrote all his songs in. It was the only thing in the draw. He picked it up, opening it to the first page where a quirky poem was scrawled in Blaine's handwriting, warning anyone who would see it to keep their hands off of Blaine's things. Laughing, Kurt flicked to the page that Blaine had shown him earlier that week. More had been added to it since Kurt had last seen it and now a small signature filled the final line. Kurt assumed it meant that Blaine had finished the song.

Kurt went to read the lyrics when he spotted a note that had been stuck into the book on the next page, its frayed edges poking out of the top. Kurt pulled it out, noticing his name on the top.

_Dear Kurt,_

_Thank-you so much for everything that you have done for me. I don't think that I would have been able to get though any of it had you not helped me open up. I do want to get better. You make me want to get better._

_I finished the song. I still don't know if I will ever perform it, but if I ever do, I hope you're there to hear it. Even it's not that song, I still want to perform again when I'm better. You can keep my song book. Hopefully one day I'll be so famous that you'll be able to sell it for money._

_Thank-you._

_Always, Blaine._

Kurt wiped away the tears that had leaked from the corners of his eyes before they could fall onto the pages of Blaine's songbook. He returned the note back to the page he had found it, finding another song that Blaine had started but obviously didn't get the chance to finish it. Kurt read the only line on the page through once, twice, three times. He kept reading it over and over as if it would help him figure out the remainder of the lyrics.

_You're my favourite song._


End file.
